plans within plans

hee hee, yep u got us mom! we were totally trying to april fool u into believing we would actually want 2 read something, but in retrospect i guess it was a pretty lame-o idea bc u know us so well. hey, speaking of well, well i guess me and duk duk will put everything away and maybe we will just lie here in the nice warm sun for a while.  so, if u do not mind, maybe me and duk duk will catch up with u in the sewing room in, o, i dunno, maybe a few hours?. :)

(...annnd, she's gone!  phew! okay, duk duk,  let's hurry up and do this!)

"Danny Dunn and the Homework Machine", by jay williams and raymond abrashkin.  boy u r right, duk duk,  finally, i think we have found a book worth reading.  i sure hope it comes with technical drawings, dontchoo? :)

candy dish

mom, are u sure these are for guests only? :)

crop husbandry 101

As a certain little kielbasa wolf and his little wannabe falcon toyfriend get older, I like to think they've gotten a little wiser about how to fill their bottomless tummies, having spent hours together as best friends do, dreaming up ways to augment their diet with the foods, tastes, and smells they love so dearly. 

Sometimes, their ideas are brilliant, if not cracked in their wisdom thanks in no small part to the haphazard absorption of things they have barely bothered to learn in school.   But, it all makes sense to them, and who am I to stand in the way of such cuteness and earnest optimism? :)





...well, mom, in a word, yeppies.  i am confident we could introduce project UknowWhat into our garden growing plans for this year with minimal impact to existing staff workload, space utilization, and irrigation infrastructure. in fact, i doubt we would need any of those resources at all due to the recent discoveries me and duk duk have made with respect to where UknowWhats come from. let me explain...

(duk duk, if you could please just move that there so i can focus on...okay... okay yeah that's good.)

as i was saying, mom. it is ez pz really...



 
 

 

you see, these are peanuts ...

...and these? these are peanut eggs.   :)

abcd

that's right, mom.  if u take us to the candy store and to the farm supply store and to the hardware store, and then drop us and all our supplies off by rabbit ravine after school today and not ask any questions, we promise we will do our homework for the next two weeks without u having to remind us, and we will stop pestering u about seeing deadpool until it comes out on dvd. o, and we promise 2 not use the school computer during study hall to google translate poop conversations into other languages and post them on facebook. deal?
 

deal! okay, mom, i hope u have a very good physical therapy session and we will see u later after school. 























hee hee hee.  o wait, yes she is gone. what? yes i know, duk duk, it will be very difficult to stick to our agreement but a) we really could not get in to see deadpool at the theaters anyway because it is rated R and we already have enough of a hard time getting in just as a wolf and a falcon, b) we only agreed to homework and not special projects,  c) our study hall computer privileges at school were already suspended anyway on account of all the kack sprache, and d) finally we can get a leg up on catching the easter bunny once we get everything built and the u know what set. :)

happy valentine's day :)

hee hee, yeah I know, right duk duk? i mean, when mom told us we had 2 be even nicer with our valentine's day cards we have 2 hand out at school this year, i thought it would be impossible. but i think we did a pretty good job all and all.  plus really, it is kind of redundant to tell all the girls they stink because they probably already know it, as many times as we tell them.  and looky, we are so polite in saying thank u and we even included a helpful directional arrow so there is no confusion what they should do after we give them our cards. now. all i need to do is get out of this bowtie from our reed diffuser photo shoot and prep our cootie vaccines while u print the cards and..oh wait, i think mom is talking 2 us...yes, mom, we finished our valentines but we are still in the sewing room but not for long because we still have to print them and i need to...okay we will wait...
 

sheesh, seriously, mom? but i was going 2 change out of it.  yes i know today is also school picture day but if i wear it 2 school, u know that all of the girls will think i did it because of valentine's day and none of the girls will even bother reading our valentines very carefully at all and then nobuddy will stand over there and then there will be a epic giant cootietastrophe the likes of which no cootie vaccine would ever be able to adequately protect us.

 

the smelly, the quick, and the dooty :)

...(sniff sniff..snort...sniff sniff sniff sniff...snort......sniff.....sniff sniff sniff.. snort.........sniff....sniff)...

yes, mom.... (sniff sniff).....i think ...(sniff)......i think........

yes, mom, i think that's the one :)

 
Hee hee, some things are taken very seriously in tiny chumley's little world.  Especially smell, which seems to make up a very large part of his sensorial existence.  There are all kinds of smells in his world, good smells that smell bad and bad smells that smell good.  Smells to chase, smells to eat, smells to be proude of and share with others, and even smells to play games with.  Hardly a moment goes by where tiny chumley's nose isn't eagerly taking in the world around him through his sniffer, so it seems only fitting that a certain little wannabe wolf and falcon would take it upon themselves with a little help from their mom to make one of their wildest makey dreams come true,  so the rest of the world can experience it with them too.

The world is a much better place when seen through the eyes of an imaginative little dachshund and his toyfriends.  And now it will smell better, too.  :)

ps - to find out more and purchase the newest smelly addition to our shop, please be sure to check in any time after our 9:00 AM EST dooty call -->  https://www.etsy.com/shop/kalyxcraftopia




 

yessssss!

oooOOOooOOooooo - yessss, chocobot! the snow did not melt!
u know what that means - school is cancelled today!!

hee hee, gimme tail :)

pair vs pair

what?!?!? duk duk, they totally are. o come on. u r missing a wing, not a pair of eyeballs.










nopies. nopies.  totally the same.  nopies. nopies. nope. nopies. except maybe for color, u can hardly tell them apart. they are right there, in front of us. how can u even think that they are not-

 

okay fine, nobuddy move. if u do not believe me, we will ask mom. but be prepared for a pounding once she tells us a wolf is right. 

moooom, can u please come here for a minute and help us settle something so duk duk can get the pounding he deserves?  oh goody, thanks for coming so soon...










 

hee hee, okay, be honest, mom.  they're totally the same, right? :)

tag team :)

...hee hee, oh no, a wolf is pinned down by a tiny falcon! hey, little duk duk, no fair, that tickles! here, let me get back up and i will show u -  hee hee, little duk duk, i said let me get back up and i will - 

oh hello mom. what's that? o nothing, really.  just baby sitting duk duk's cousin little duk duk and showing him a few moves while duk duk is out back preparing for tonitey nite's grand opening of our new valentine's day themed third floor north wing exhibit, "seasons of stink: a collection of accidental heart shaped poop shapes and the snake shapes that will protect u from them." u and dad got our invitation, right? it's brown tie only :)

babies in toyfriendland

yes, mom, we totally understand it is very important and promise we will not forget.  honest and for true u can count on us. sheesh, it is not like we are babies anymore...


















see? we even tied an uncle billy string on my finger to help us remember, only ours is made from dried salmon skin, and smells very delicious, and.. (chomp!)
 

.  

um, mom, would u mind bringing me my iphoney so i can set a reminder for that thingy u want us to do?

 

it came from above

whoa, duk duk, if that is what i think it is, i am glad we decided at least one of us should put on our PPE. 
 




legend has it that any two beings who come in even relative proximity to this object are subject its severe mind altering effects...

...ultimately causing the transmission of an epic bout of cootie contamination. :)

the hall of spherical wonders and other three dimensional inverse conchoidal delights

hee hee yeah I know, duk duk.  we sure are lucky the little misses agreed to help us move everything otherwise it would be mushie city all over again and all our work would be ru- wait, what did u say? it's kind of hard to hear with this thing on my - oh yes, I will tell her now.  little miss Sarah! little miss Julia! me and duk duk will join u in a jiffy just as soon as I find the rest of my rain gear, but I see the rain has really picked up so if u want, just start on the hall of spherical wonders and other three dimensional inverse conchoidal delights over in the east wing because that is the lowest part of our yard and most susceptible to flooding.  :)

today i am nine :)

...seven, eight, nine!! hee hee, nine carrots. well my friends, u know what that means, today i am nine!! :) :)

tomorrow I will be nine :)

mom, for my birthday cake this year, do u think it could be a double decker, with peanut butter filling and salmon skin swirly candles and raspberries and carrots and maybe just a sprinkle of cheezy poof dust? :) 

a dog and a duk walk into a christmas party..

yeah i know it stinks, right, duk duk?  like, why even bother with a secret santa christmas party if has to be at a place where u have to dress up and be all serious and proper and stuff? no funny hats? no blinking glitter christmas sweaters? sheesh! and who knows if i will be even able to do the electric robot in this get up that mom made me. i guess that's what we get for not being able 2 hear what the girls on the class party planning committee were saying on account of them having to stand way over there.  and for not reading the meeting minutes or their gajillions of email. or u know, pretty much not participating in any capacity whatsoever.  but really who has time for any of that?   oops, we should probably keep an eye out - our ride should be here any minute now.

hee hee hee. at least the dress code did not say anything about wearing signage, right, duk duk?  :)

 

   

 

curiouser and curiouser (part 2): he knows

"he's making a list, and checking it twice! gonna find out who's naughty or nice, santa claus is - " okay great job stamping it lulu the tiger,  now lemme sign it.. your friend, Baxter.  " - coming, 2 town!" okay that's another card finished. next!! oh wait, u are right we need to put a stamp on it. lil pink puppy, it's your turn. hee hee, boy i thought mom making us do our own christmas cards this year would really stink but actually with us splitting up the work, it's been really fun, hasn't it?  

now where was i in our song? o i know.."he knows when you've been pooping, he knows when you're a- "

hee hee, oo very nice postage stamp placement, lil pink puppy. keep this up and soon u can help me and duk duk help mom with packing etsy orders. okay,  let's start a new postcard.  duk duk, batter up...

"he knows when you've been pooping, he knows when you're awake, he knows when you've been bad or good..." wait, that can't be right? 

 "he knows when you've been pooping, he knows when you're awake, he knows if you've been bad or good..."
 
 sheesh, duk duk, santa sure seems 2 really know a lot about what we are doing whether we want him 2 or not.  i wonder how he knows and if he has ever been charged with invasion of privacy...

happy hello ween :)

well, i know sewing pleather and sewing tiny are really difficult, mom, but i am really disappointed. because yesterday u said that they were all done, which i took 2 mean obviously that they were ALL done, including chocobot's and lulu the tiger's and lil pink puppy's costumes, because basically they are just the same as mine, only different shaped and sized. i even had your status down as green in our project master file report as little as three hours ago.but  now here are at t minus twenty4 hours about to start our dry run with the little misses, and Project OompaWonkaWinked is totally in deep poopies. which, on any other day would be just fine because, well, u know, poopies.  but we are talking candy here, mom, candy, and the one opportunity a year to get lots of it for free. 

okay, so, our scientifically optimized trick or treat schedule requires us to be at house number one by five pm, so with travel and snackie time, plus a little foofie factor thrown in for good measure, the new and final costume dropsqueak deadline is three pm.

well, we've got a dry run and u have work to do, so i won't keep u any longer, mom. and i would like to thank u for your time and contribution to Project OoompaWonkaWinked thus far.  bye mom, we'll see u after the dry run.

 




hee hee, finally, a use for all that mumbo jumbo speak i always hear dad using on his work calls.  u don't think i was too hard on her, do u, duk duk?  yeah, u r right, there is no room for babies in project OWW.

okay, so, when we go to the little misses house, remember, duk duk, since u won the guess whose foofie game, u are U Know Who.  and that means u have to do all the talking - candy recall, effective immediately, but this time instead of blueberries, it turns people into falcons, or wolves, or tigers, yadda yadda yadda.  u can improvise a little to keep it from sounding too scripted, but stay in character and remember to work with what we have. main message is, candy defective, sincere apologies, we are here to take it back 4 u and my very cute and diminutive u know whats will gladly help u.  what u say will be very important because i think on my own people will look at me and be like, who's the witch wearing the shiny hurricanes onesie? (siri, research note to self: does tim burton like hockey?)

now, the plan is for the rest of us to be quiet and just collect the candy, but if prompted, we have 2 be ready to sing and dance.  lulu the tiger and chocobot, have u both been eating chocobot's special glitter this week and practicing the helium foofie?  good. 

 well, alrighty then, i think we're ready to start this dry run.  all together on three.  one. two. three...

good morning starshine, the earth says hello! :)

 

 

another brick in the wall

...hee hee, and last but not least, the u know what for the u know what so we can u know what!

boy, i sure thought it would stink that mom is making us make our own lunchy lunches this year for school, but, i think it is going to turn out quite nice, dontchoo think, everybuddy? 

i mean, we have so many good ideas, the hardest part was figuring out what not to pack for our first day of school, really. 

I sure hope we packed enough peanut butter and smelly jelly cuz once everybuddy sees how the u know what u know whats the U know whatter, they are all gonna want one. ooh - how are we doing on time? 

okay, duk duk and lil pink puppy, u guys keep working on getting our lunchy lunch box 2 shut,  and I will get out of my jammies and fire up the pedal car while chocobot and lulu the tiger get our backpacks and tell mom we are on our way :)

c.o.d.

um, no, mister man in brown, there is nobuddy here by the name of bd poopsalot. and i checked with my mother just like u asked me to and nobuddy here is expecting any c.o.d. delivery of a mega fortress of magnitude quad suspension compound action hyper spring loaded tri bucket trebuchet.  but maybe, if i close this door and u pretend 2 walk away and bring it to the side of the house, u might find a tiger and a unicorn who might know a thing or two and they just might b able 2 help u. :)

midday in the garden of gruesome and gore

..yeah i know those stinky bassets totally deserved it. and besides, losing my digging privileges for two days and having to read this book isn't too bad really because well, a) it's raining out anyway, and b) do not tell mom, but this book has not been too bad so far, dontchoo think, duk duk?  i mean, sure there are words in it, but everybuddy knows u can just skip that stuff so long as there are pictures to look at.
 

and yeah, i submit that the pictures certainly could be way more gruesome. and i question whether this book is really a work of nonfiction like it thinks it is, because look at how close all the boys and girls are standing to each other.  nobuddy does that in real life. that's how u catch cooties.

but, hmmm, well, now that i've said that out loud, i take back what i said about these pictures not being very gruesome. because, well, since the girls are totally not standing over there, u just know that any moment the boys will turn into cootie infected zombies. and then things will really take a turn, what with the whole zombiefication process turning their eyes red, their feet into mighty meat tearing talons, and their beaks into razor sharp precision pecking instruments of gore. nobuddy would stand a chance and then the world would be ruled by zombies and nobuddy would care anymore where u pooped or how many gummy worms u ate or even bother with school or chores...

...boy i cannot wait 2 turn the page now, duk duk, can u? just stay close 2 me because i am pretty sure things are about 2 get super scary. :)