saving halloween (part 2 - occam's scissors)

whoa, duk duk, i think u r right.  it is one thing when your natural wolfy instincts take over and, well, u know, things happen.  but it is entirely another thing when u have to, well, u know, with the scissors..and the cutting... and the science n stuff... 

i mean, i know he is a zombie so he will not feel anything, but he looks so real still. and i know when we were at the thrifty store we we all like, yeah this will be so cool and macabre and slightly ironic but not in a hipster way because, well for one thing, way more ferocious. but now that we actually have to do it, well...

okay duk duk, u win.  u and chocobot go ask mom if she can help us get the major work done, and in the meanwhile we will clear the area and get ready for the procedure. and hurry because...

oh, hi mom. wow that was fast. um, yeah, so i think duk duk and chocobot filled u in on what we need right? snip snap, snip snip, snip snap. snip. and then we can take it from there.  right? okay. if u need us or have any questions,  we will be right here.

hee hee, do not worry this will all be over in a jiffy and not only will u have a name but we will rebuild u stronger and better than before. :)

saving Halloween (part 1)

boy, it sure seemed like a good idea at the time to agree with mom about letting her off the hook for making us our costumes because her freezy shoulder really put a wrench in our makey schedule for this year, but here we are 5 days before halloween and we've got zilcho for costumes and no plan at all on how we will  replenish our winter candy reserves...

...now i finally understand why bears and dick proenneke work so hard every summer getting ready for winter.  mom even bought some random chocolate candy to hand out this year that I cannot even eat because I am a wolf and u know what they say about wolves and chocolate. yep that's right, a whole lotta nopies. 

what's that, chocobot? oh, that's right, u n lil pink puppy weren't here were u? mom will not let us use her credit card anymore on account of the all the u know whats we ordered. how were we supposed to know we were not allowed raise an army of sea monkeys in mom n dad's bathtub? they never use it anyway and really, we only forgot to feed them one day. but ANYWAY...i wonder...i wonder...

o i know! our poop mushie fund! it will not be enough to buy us all costumes but between what stuff we have here and what we might find at the thrifty store, we might be able to save Halloween after all!  okay, just let me get my sad eyes on and then I will ask her..okay...

momma, will u pleas take us to the thrifty store after school today? :)

maximum velocity :)

nopies, sorry, mom, as u can see we have already entered pre-ignition phase and cannot abort without suffering serious and catastrophic consequences.  but i promise i will help duk duk clean our heat cave just as soon as we are finished, okay? okay...   

okay unkie skritchy, all systems are primed and ready - please fasten your seatbelt securely and proceed to maximum skritching velocity!!

hee hee hee, faster unkie skritchy, faster!! :) :)

makers mark

well mom, the new makers mark u had made for us is pretty cool and i am sure we will make plenty of super cool things for our etsy shop with it, but, well...

dontchoo think it needs more wolf and falcon? :) 

blanket weather

Even though a certain little wolf often likes to stay up and wait patiently for me to join him and his dad in bed, most nights nowadays by the time I am ready,  I find him like this, already in a deep wolfy sleep, snug and happy as a little bug. :)

misDirection

oh, well nothing really, mom. i mean, well other than trying to grow a pair of antlers. is that what u were asking about? because i sure do not smell anything out of the ordinary. nopies, nosirree :)

exstinked

whoa duk duk, u were right. the air has been clearing for hours now and i am still dizzy! maybe next time we should really listen to mom and not play guess whose foofie inside anymore.  at least when we both have been preparing for days. that touch of stinky fermented tofu was pure genius by the way. i bet it tasted horrible but the effect was so worth it! i wonder how we will ever top..ooo hang on..

mom, may me and duk duk please borrow your credit card and order some surströmming, i mean, may we please order something important from amazon? we promise we will pay u back :) 

fall cleaning

mom, if u have to clean today can u please remember not to throw all my toyfriend guts away like u did last time? me and duk duk were saving them for hallowUKnowWhat. :)

wolf island

dear diary,
earlier this week, mom and dad took me to the beach, and needless to say we all had a lot of fun.  it was mostly a delicious eating trip, but we also got some quality beach time walkies in and it is very amazing what a difference a day makes. in fact, i wish duk duk could have come with us instead of choosing to go with chocobot and lulu the tiger and lil pink puppy to the land of make believe (which is very real than u very much, but not very accommodating to ferocious wolves because, well u know, ferocious. plus really where can u hide from a ferocious wolf when all the castles and forts and even the best hiding places are made of edible pink sparklepuff?).  anyhow, like i was saying i wish duk duk could have come with us as i am pretty certain we could have gotten him to fly on the second day we were there on account of the hurricane coming even though it was still pretty far off. plus parking was free because all the meters were wrapped up, so we could have stayed as long as we wanted to.

but even without duk duk and even with the hurricane coming, the beach was still a very nice place to visit and walk on because all that salty air can really clear a wolf's head and help him think and stink.

so, even though our stay at the beach was very brief, all in all we had a very lovely time. in fact, there is pretty much only one thing i wish could be just a little different, if only for just like, oh, thirty seven seconds...

hee hee, okay so i will probably be posting more about my visit on instagram and facebook later because now me and duk duk have to study for the test we have in ten minutes. i hope u have a wonderful day, diary.

toodleydoo,
b. :)

license to pedal

mom, if dad gets tired of driving us on errands, just remember i am a licensed pedal car professional :)

etsy fresh: the Ferocious Rainbow, fueled by imagination / powered by stink :)

I have no idea why I am so entertained by the thought of baxter and duk duk being little creative entrepreneurs, but the thought of them infusing their sensibilities in a product they most optimistically and wholeheartedly think the world will embrace delights me in ways that the real world, especially today's world, cannot.  I see them, gleefully plotting their packaging and marketing plan as they teeter on books stacked counter top high, diligently crafting their products as best a little wannabe wolf and a one winged wannabe falcon can, shoving each other and giggling and shoving each other some more, all while begoggled and masked to ensure the quality of their goods.  I see them, sprawled out on the floor by their laptop designing graphics, coming up with taglines born out brains infused with screamy loud Saturday morning cartoon commercials, and arguing over such finer points as which cartoon font best conveys ferocity while maintaining all important legibility.  And I see them, their friendship stretched in such humorous and absurd ways, but always coming back to common ground as they agree that brown is probably the most underappreciated of colors in the marketing and packaging world.

Today I just wanted share a special little appreciation coupon code for the shop. Good through end of day Monday 10/3 use code: ilikepoopiesnakes and receive 5% off your total purchase, including our most recent additions, baxter & duk duk's nifty thrifty and always gifty 2017 calendar, a certain little someone's totally new Christmas card, and something super Smelly special that a certain little wolf would now like to tell you about... :)





 hee hee, these solid smelly shapes we made were such a good idea for our next Smelly product offering, dontchoo think, duk duk? i mean, u can pretty much take them anywhere and smell them whenever u want.

yeppies, i am glad we decided to offer them as a set too because really how could u pick just one? 

what's that? oh mom stopped blabbing already? boy she was talking forever. ok, hang on, lemme get our graphics and stuff ready.

okay..and 3..2..1..







 ladeez and gentlemen! introducing the second in our series of the incredible baxter and duk duk's Smelly line of home fragrances, let me show u the cutest, most awesomest solid scented shape set ever designed by a wolf and a falcon, ladeez and gentlemen, my falcon friend and i are proud to introduce to you today the next best thing in personal ambient aroma experiences,  i give you, the Ferocious Rainbow!

that's right ladeez and gentlemen not only do u get these five power shapes of delightful stinks but you also this delightful box, designed and packaged by yours truly, perfect for gift giving and yes! protected by the super awesome and kind of tiny keepsake metal charm in the shape of a sup-er cute dachshund wolfy head staring intently at his prey! 

do not delay order today because quantities are limited on this one time makey because after we made these we used the molds for u do not wanna know, ladeez and gentlemen please feel free to click here to view our listing
  https://www.etsy.com/listing/482770057/baxter-and-duk-duks-smelly-ferocious

or take a moment to enjoy our fine art house feature featuring the Ferocious Rainbow which we present to u now...




 

(psst - hey mom! mom! this is where u roll the video we made!! ) 
  

 okay and now with further adieu, our cinematic feature presentation featuring the Ferocious Rainbow :)

it takes a tiny team :)

well, duk duk, mom says we can only do the u know what only after the sun comes out and only after we help her with our new etsy listings for the fun fun smelly u know whats and for our super cool new christmas cards and super cool new 2017 budgety desk calendars.  so, u keep an eye out that way for the sun and i will keep an eye out over here. :) #comingverysoon #onlyatKalyxcraftopia


update: hooray you can find the listing for our calendar and new christmas holiday card
by clicking below. we have been experimenting with calculated shipping so just know that
as always we will gladly refund any shipping overage :)

https://www.etsy.com/listing/482409839/2017-dachshund-calendar  (2017 calendar)
https://www.etsy.com/listing/482418351/reindeer-jolly-dachshund-christmas-card   (set)
https://www.etsy.com/listing/468923426/adorable-dachshund-christmas-card  (single) 

mission impoopable

um,well...i would love to move, mom...but..i have it on good authority...that...the immediate vicinity...is...poopie trapped. :) 

veni vidi venue

well mom, i was thinking me and duk duk could have our slinky snakey derby here, on my ramp. that way pretty much any shape will roll except for maybe a mushie. and since it will not be raining inside and because i eat a diet rich in fiber, it is highly unlikely that a mushie will even happen really. well, unless lil pink puppy spills his slushie again but when we send out the evites we will be sure to say that no slushies will be allowed by the ramp under any circumstances. and we will put the slushie stand in the garage along with the dunk tank and foofie stink contest just to be sure.  so can we do it? please? :) 

a great disturbance in the Force

pssst, mom! can u tell if doctor miss erin is almost done back there with my light saber laser therapy? bc i have been really really really trying hard to hold it back, but i am sensing a great disturbance in the Force. if u know what i mean. :)

fair warning

well, okay mom, we can hold hands but please be careful because I would hate for u to be accidentally injured by the ferociousness of my paws. :) 

more news u can use :)

hee hee,  mom...

hey mom!!

u might want to put on a gas mask :) 

hinies and fronties

The grainy light of dawn can be a magical time for things to happen.  Especially for happy go lucky little wolves and the dads who love them. :)

hee hee hee. hee hee hee - o looky, we did it, dad! we did it! duk duk did not think i could do it because my legs are too shorty short but looky! i am totally touching my hiney toes with my fronty toes. :)

spanglish 101:

I will cornshark

  cornsharkaré

 

I am cornsharking
  
estoy cornsharkando

I cornsharked :)  

yo cornsharké :)

agent brown part 2

...and that's my robot chip! i have had it forever now, but it is nice to see it finally in person. the robot chip is pretty much the reason why i am transforming into a wolf but the process still takes a lot of time because the chip works with my body at a subcellular level.

anyhow, u guys wanna see the best part of the bioscan that the   
 multimaster robot megamonster of doom and destruction took of me before i destroyed it?  here, lemme swipe it to the updated graphic i made to take to school today for show n tell.














okay, so, as u might imagine, this scan was being performed just moments before i released the agent brown, and what the robot saw, and what the special doctor mister tushie man ended up seeing, and what i already could feel was..well, i think u can see why the robot singled me out from all those big dopey dogs. cuz, well aside from being perfectly ok and ready for anesthesia should i ever need it for the MRI when the special doctor mister tushie man really thinks i should get it which is not right now...well let's just say we finally have proof positive of what u know i know we all know we know and what we all can now see here...

that's right, there it is my friends, my no-longer-secret agent brown reserve, aka the mega poopie snake. master of olfactory disaster. u can run and u can hide, but u cannot escape, when i let it slide...

hee hee hee! anyhow, the special doctor mister tushie man pretty much admired how big my agent brown reserve was, and dad was like, "yeah he wouldn't poopies before we brought him" and i was like, "yeah dad, u know why now and u can thank me later with a trip to the chikky fila. saved the universe, yo" and then for some reason dad said i was not allowed to watch breaking bad anymore.  but anyway, so, yeah.  now we just wait and see and hope my neck doesn't flare up or at least if it does then we know we will go ahead with my MRI and then really see if i might need surgery or something. and in the meanwhile i will keep seeing doctor miss erin for my laser therapy and if i can ever calm my inner wolf we will also get me some more massages. oooh - i think i hear the bus coming! time to go!! :) :)