cootietagion

yeppies, mom, i understand. and under normal circumstances, we both know i would not be asking. but u were there and u saw what happened. desperate times require desperate measures. okay, i am ready whenever you are.

(garrrrggh arrrug arrrh garrrg)

oh yeth, hthere harr hat leath eleventhee hmillion cooteeth in hmy fronth theeth alone...:)

(ps -happy friday, friends and do not forget to skidmark your calendars for tomorrow's saturday double doot matinee at 11:00 am EST, featuring a litter of nine of our tiny remembering books made from vintage book covers, and a bunch of leather clippies. u know, like the ones below) :)

nightmare on cootie street

dear diary,
the  birthday party for little miss julia was really fun except for the part where i thought it was also my lucky day because i found a nice bone to chew on, which i did til somebuddy mentioned that it was probably cassie's and she had pretty much already slobbered all over it and i was like, "bleah, does anyone have any listerine handy?"

anyhoo, i guess it is just as well because now that i am all gunked up with cooties, i get to stay home and help mom get ready for our saturday double doot matinee at 11am EST.  i hope to tell you more about it on friday and show u some pictures but basically it will be a combination of a new tiny batch of tiny remembering books and more super awesome leather clippies !

toodley-doo!
b. :)

heart 2 heart

mom, i know it is little miss julia's birthday today, and i really want to help celebrate it, and i know there is going to be delicious cake and everything, but, do i really have to go over to cassie's house?

said the bee to the wolf

the little dachshund waited patiently while his buzzy bee friend pondered this most unusual request. most ferocious beasts, the bee thought to himself, would simply ransack his home and eat all his honey. and most ferocious beasts would do so without even bothering to ask.

o-beeeeez k-beeez, said the bee to the wolf. bzzzut do so gentlyzzz ozzzerwize myzzz butt zzzzmight stingzz you.

yippee!! squeaked the wolf in a most gleeful fashion. thank you so much and do not worry, mister bee, i may be a ferocious wolf now, but i was once a little dachshund and when i was very little, my mom taught me manners. in fact, see? look how daintily i hold my paw as i take my first gentle lick of your superdelicous bee butt. :)

nostrilwolfus hypocootiacus

 

captain poopiepants

definitely wolfier :)

hee hee, o i feel so regal when i wear it on this side, mom. okay, lemme try it back on my normal side.

o yeah, definitely wolfier. :)

a study in pink

and now we break for a very special sponsored announcement :)

hee hee, yeah, duk duk, our tiny poopers turned out swell again this year - i am so glad mom let us off the hook for helping her make them so that we could focus on making the video for our back end marketing campaign. hee hee, if u know what i mean. oh hang on...

what's that, mom? oh yes we are about to do that now. we were just waiting it to load.

o is it ready, duk duk? okay lemme start...

ladies and gentlemen, we interrupt our presentation of "the cootie" starring me,a wolf, and cassie, the cootie, to bring u this very special sponsored announcement, written and directed by a wolf and a falcon :). 

(okay duk duk hit the arrow 2 play...) :) 

in(communal)icable :)

"tis something awful," i shuddered..."panting at my back room door - bringing drool and cooties more."

...over many a whiff of malodorous cooties galore...

...while i pleaded really ranting, despite my pleas and heartfelt canting,
arrived some one heavy panting, panting at my back room door...

while i protested, bleak and scary

stay with us? seriously??? here?? for a few hours? mom, just one cootie, one single cootie, has an infection radius of 50 meters. that means anyone standing within 50 meters of a contaminated individual has a one hundred percent chance - one hundred percent chance - of becoming infected. not to mention the cootie's rate of cellular mitosis is unparalleled to even the most virulent of infectious diseases. the justinian plague, the black plague, the bubonic plague - they will all look like minor colds compared to what can happen in just five minutes with her in this room. that's why the infected have to stand way over there and that's why SHE has to stand way over there. dontchoo understand, mom???

once upon a morning wary...

(sniff sniff...sniff sniff) (sniff...sniff) mother, why do i smell cooties wafting in from the hallway under our bedroom door?

(to be continued..)

everything is better with blueberries

ooOOOOooooOooooOOOOoooOooo! i smell chunky chicken water and one...no, two...no, wait. three! three boo boo blueberries! :)

happy mother's day :)

happy mother's day, mom. i saved u a snackie :) :)

wolf and wolverine

...well, okay mom... i do not really want to say anything more about it after i say it out loud, but yeppies, it was the mousey trap in the garage.

but after u kiss my boo boo to make it better, and u let duk duk back in the room, can we please stick with the wolverine story? :)

wolf and bee

the little dachshund could hardly believe his luck. it had been many years since his last encounter with his little bee friend, but there it was, perched on the side frame of the windowsill, smelling of lavender and honey and thyme and just the faintest whiff of iris.

why, smello, mister bee! thelittle dachshund squeaked most enthusiastically. it has been many years since we have seen each other, and in that time, i have always been hoping i would see you again, so that i may finally ask you something that i should have asked you long ago, something that i have been wanting to ask you for a very, very long time ...

mister bee, is it true that honey comes out your butt and if so, may i please lick it? :)

time and relative stink in space

hee hee, see little miss julia? i told u, no matter how big u get, all of us will always fit because it's totally bigger on the inside. now make way and let a wolfie in. :)

happy stinko de mayo :)

okay, mom, all our chores are finished and duk duk and lulu the tiger and lil pink puppy are alldrying off from their baths as we speak. and chocobot even pooped in the backyard so there is no glitter to clean off the sofa or in the bed. now may we please start preparing for our tgidisco stinko de mayo party? :) :)