quality control inspection

mom, did u remember to put a poopie snake in each and every package like we asked u to? :)

have chompers will chomp :)

mom, u got anything else that needs expert wolf fixing? :)

tiny product tester

well, mom, i know it is risky, but a wolf’s gotta do what a wolf’s gotta do. especially with our cootie protection cyber craft fair being tomrorow nite and all. everything has to be substantiated and in order. just gimme a sec to take off my collar...

whoa..i can feel it protecting me already. this one is really pretty but it might be a little big for today though. i mean, in the miniscule chance that things go wrong, i need to be nimble, know what i mean? okay, lemme try another one..

hee hee, o yes, this one will do. it’s a little smaller so i won’t trip on it. i really like how they all turned out, dontchoo mom? i mean, like, they are all so pretty with the gold and the red stuff and the shiny and the matte and the subtle iridescence. nobusdy who does not know would ever know their true cootie protective powers, on valentine’s day or any other day really. and if they work on a ferocious wolf like me, then they would pretty much work for everyone.

well, i guess we should get this test over with so we can finish adorning some of them with dingly dangly pearls and make our etsy listings. lemme just ask duk duk 2 hide my collar and..

okey dokey. i think i am ready as i can be. cassie can come inside now. :)

after school walkie

...and then, everybuddy pointed at me and i was like, how am i supposed to know where the class hamster went?

and then, i burped. :)

save the doot date: baxter and duk duk’s cootie protection cyber craft fair (just in time for valentine’s day) :)

dear diary,
have u ever found yourself in the awkward position of being surrounded by cooties and having no way to escape them? have u ever wished u could always have protection from cootie infested uknowwhos who will never understand how to go stand over there, without having to constantly get more and more anti-cootie vaccinations? do your anti-cootie booster shots seem less effective lately? well, do not worry, my friends, because me and duk duk have got u covered with all the super cool cootie protection items that we have made for our first ever cootie protection cyber craft fair.

that’s right, just in time for valentine’s day, we will be dooting in very limited supply a variety of items we designed and helped mom make to help protect u from cooties, capitalizing not only on the protective powers of smell and fun..

but also the mystical powers of amulets, which we made in a variety of shapes so that they will be perfect for keeping in your pocket or putting around your neck. here u see one we will be making into a necklace.

anyhoo, i suppose i should get back to helping mom finish the amulets, so, i would like to close my saying i hope u r able to save the date and join us for our cootie protection cyber craft fair doot this tuesday the 6th at nine pm eastern standard time! :)

toodley-doo!
b :)

what ever happened to duk duk monday

okay, now remember, duk duks, technically, u all are not supposed to be out at the same time, so it is very important that u stay out of sight unless it is your day to be out. which is why, when mom comes back from the library with duk duk monday and they pull in the driveway, i will go down to greet and distract them while you two sneak into the car and get the bag of potatoes that hopefully duk duk monday was able to secretly purchase from the convenience store next door. duk duk thursday and duk duk friday will meet u out back to help u hide the bag under the deck for now and then we will all regroup back in the heat cave to figure out how we can move the potatoes to the kitchen island without mom knowing so we can finally restart project putrescent. :)

a wolf whistles

 







i sure can whistle, remember, mom?  just stick your fingers in my mouth like u did last time forever ago and i can show u...














 

  hokay, hreddee? ....

(pfweeeoooOOOooOoooOooooOoooot!)

hee hee hee.  i hdid hnot hthay hanythingh habout hwistling hfrom hmy hmouth, hdid i?  :) 

 

tiny plumber

um, mom, there is nothing in here but pipes. where exactly is this pee trap u were talking about? :)

etsy fresh: baxter & duk duk's guts and glory dachshund xray secret story valentine's day card

hee hee, omg, duk duk, our super new xray guts and glory valentine's day cards turned out really swell, dontchoo think? do not tell mom, but this totally makes up for actually having to get that darned xray from the scary special tushie man so long ago.  i cannot wait for everybuddt 2 find these cards in our etsy shop!
 

  

what's that, duk duk?  yeppies, i agree.  i am glad we resisted the temptation to color that part brown like we really wanted to.  it is definitely more subtle this way.  and that way it can be a secret that nobuddy will know except u and me and anybuddy who knows what we know if they know where 2 look.  

 so on the outside, when u r giving out valentines, u can look all innocent and be like,  "hi howya doin? my what a pretty dress u r wearing. cooties, what cooties?  here's a valentine's day card, see ya. "

 
and on the inside u can be like, hawhaw, the jokes on u - i just gave u a valentine with an xray of my incredibly packed poopie filled colon on there, too. 

 
well okay, intestines.  but colon just sounds better when u think it, doesn't it?

anyhoo, i sure hope our friends think this will be a unique and swell valentine's day card to send to their friends this year because i know we do! :)

clicky here to score yours today! :) -->
https://www.etsy.com/listing/574124228/dachshund-xray-bottom-of-my-heart-guts?ref=shop_home_active_1



 

pee-coy pooper

um, well, dad, i guess...well... okay, i guess maybe it could be almond roca...and, well, i guess maybe it could be possible that the almond roca was coincidentally deposited on the snow yesterday night during a time when it appeared i was fulfilling my promise 2 poop outside...

but technically it was not wasted
and tecnically i did drop a load outside. so i feel i met my quota, dontchoo?

m a s h

okay, everybuddy, she’s here!

oh hi, mom. um, sorry but this tfc meeting is for wounded toyfriends and special reconstructive surgeon lmj only :)

i think, i thank, i thunk :)

hee hee hee. oh yeah, this is totally going to work.

what??? snufflupagus? okay fine, duk duk. roll it up so my nose shows but that’s it. besides, if ima gonna wear it all day at school i guess it would be good to have a second blow hole. well, i mean a second smell hole. wait, i guess i still need to clarify. a blow hole slash smell hole for breathing in. which technically makes this new hole the one (and only) blow slash smell hole for that particular purpose. because the other blow slash smell hole that we already accommodated is really more of an blow out-

(sniff sniff) mom?

um, o nothing really. just getting ready for school. and well, u know how my ears get really cold ? and, well, the rest of me really? and u know how i cannot wear my puffy coat during class anymore for, well, reasons? well, tadaah - solution. say hello to the shai hulud 3000. now with two blow holes.

wait, what, mom?

hmmm...

hmmmmmm..

hmmmmmmmmm..

nopies, mom. i do not think that wearing this will affect my ability to learn any less than i already do in school :)

dopey questions

sheesh! no, cassie. if i told u once i told u eleventy majillion times already...

..ima wolf not an ewok. :)

work in progress :)

ooo, i like it! and maybe we could try the baby rosy pink flat one next. u know, with the sparklies on it over there? that would be very valentiney too. but, u know, in a subtle yet sophisticated way. kind of like how when u add frenchy onion soup mix to monkey chow chili, it kind of helps bring the olfactory equivalent of unami to the afterparty if u know what i mean..

hee hee oh yes me likey! okay i think we have our nose option number eleventy twelventeen! u are going to try and make as many weenies as we have valentiney options, right mom? :)

cold feet :)

well, mom, i was just thinking. today is only eight days into the new year. and, well, my paws are still really cold from playing outside in the snow. and, i know we talked about doing them today but here i am all nice and snuggled into dad’s lap so, well, maybe we should just wait and do my nails like, o..maybe never? :)

please don't freeze the toesies :)

hee hee, okay, dad, just a few more steps to the right and i think we will find our steamer spot. :)

puffy jacket weather

what?? i am not too big. i just look puffy because i am wearing the down jackie mom got me. and beaide, some dukkie should thank his luckee stars its not filled with his feathers, thank you.

now make way make way, let a wolfie in. it's freezing out-

(kaaack) here. foo-whee! omg, people, decency much? i mean, serously. it smells like, like.. fermented cheese in there . (kaaack).

hee hee, everybuddy knows to make a stink really spectacular u need the nuanced notes produced by a ferocious carnivore's biome. now lemme in quick cuz i think this instant pot's about to blow. :)

goodbye 2017 / hello 2018 :)

So, I haven't really taken the time to figure out if I've become more cognizant of the world's craziness, or if the world is indeed, crazier as we close 2017.  But I do know this, for as long as I am able, for as long as tiny chumley, my big boyfriend, and I are able, we will work to keep our little cyber world as safe and merry and loving as ever.  A place where a happy go lucky little short legged wolf can be best friends with a tattered one wing falcon, where there are happy disco parties every friday, and where poopie snakes and gummy worms are the currency of fun. I honestly have no idea what 2018 will bring for our tiny family or the real world, but I'm ever so glad you're along for the ride. Happy New Year, friends!! :)

the makey list

wait, what do u mean u cannot make inflatable poopie snakes, mom? we agreed before that me and duk duk are in charge of the makey ideas and this is our list. if it's on the list, it's on the list.

and inflatable poopie snakes are definitely on the list. :)

the dark wolf raises (a stink)

hee hee, like a hawk in search of prey, the dark wolf surveys his land while he waits for his handlers to finish readying themselves for a nice winter walkie...

how many people would he frighten on his walkie? , the dark wolf wondered. and not by any particular effort on his part, but just by merely being the ferocious something that they were seeing.


as he watched the girl handler approach him and open the door, his hackles bristled under the puffy cape santa had given him, in subtle acknowledgement thst his second handler was talking at him from be-

what? ugh. dad!! a dark elf?? sheesh, i toldjoo already the dark wolf is not, i repeat not any kind of elf. the dark wolf is the primary protector/collector of poops of all shapes and sizes and he fights inpoopstice against the downtrodden. not an elf. repeat, not an elf. nope. nopies. nope. just because his head gets cold and this was the only hat he could fi- nope. nopies. daaaad.

mom, can u please tell dad if he cannot kindly refrain from bothering the dark wolf during our walkies then he will be asked to remain at home for said duration of our walkie?