hee hee hee, o delicious strawberry, now i have freed u from the refrigerator, i promise to smell u and lick u and chomp u all ov- uh oh - mom’s coming!! rats, what a day to not be wearing pants. hmm, quickly now where to hidey the straw...eek, out of time..
why smello, mom. can i help u with something? :)
(sniff sniff)(sniff sniff) oooooOOOOoooooooOOOooooo! chicken!!
dad, can u please cook mine medium #rawwwr? :)
...hee hee, no they’re not. no. no they’re not. nopies. nope. nope. nope...duk duk! no, they’re not. no they’re not. nopies. nope. nope. nopes. capital n-o-peees. nope. no they’re not. duk duk, what u r suggesting is totally ludicrous. i mean, not only is your assertion scientifically unfounded, it’s just flat out delusional. no. nopies. negapoopies. what, did we wake up in bizarro world because well, sure, in that case, maybe. but not here. not here in the only world that matters because newsflash, my friend, bizarro world is not real. so nopies. no. never. nien. nunca. okay, fine , we’ll ask mom...
mom, are wolves are less ferocious than falcons?
hee hee, i know it is just a storm drain, dad, but trust me, i smell something in there that would bite my toes and my tail off :)
smello, it’s me, baxter, your roving rover reporter, reporting to u from home today because i am lucky enough to get home visits for my laser therapy. this reporter wolf’s hints for a successful laser treatment includes: barking, more barking, more barking, and oh yes, a large amount of wolf juice (that’s what the barking is for, really. o, and recipe follows..)
wolf juice
- 6 clean empty roller ball bottles
- 1/2 tablespoon corn starch mixed in 1/8 c of water to form a slurry
- about 1 to 1 1/4 cups chunky chicken water (no chunks)
note: this recipe makes about 6 roller bottles worth of wolf juice but u do not have to make that much. also, if u do not have chunky chicken water on hand, simply boil a boneless chicken breast in some water until the breast is cooked. cut or shred chicken into chunks and voila, now u have chunky chicken in chunky chicken water.
to make wolf juice, we will be making basically a very thin gravy. too thin and the wolf juice will spill out of the bottles, too thick and nothing will come out of the bottle. anyhoo, simply bring the chunky chicken water to a boil and add corn starch slurry. stir maybe about a minute, to make sure everything stays mixed and to prevent the formation of globs. once things have thickened (it will be slight), remove from heat and let cool. fill roller bottles and enjoy!
hmmmm....
...hmmmmm...
...hmmmmmmm...
hmmmm...okay on the count of three we both pick our favorite. ready? one, two, three!
hey, we both picked the same one! but how could we not, really?sw7010. aka, white duck. hee hee, yeah, i like how they misspelled duk, too. makes it more pizazzy. and with this new paint on our bedroom walls, maybe when we go to bed a night, it will help us dream even more ferocious dreams. okay, should we tell mom?
mom, i think we have a winner. :)
...hee hee, say it!...duk duk, i said, say it! hee hee hee nopies, there is no way i could even be crushing your trachea because we both know for reasons i have already apologized for multiple times that u do not have one.
besides, that’s what u get for being best friends with a ferocious wolf. now, say it and i will let go, so say it already!! boy, for a one winged falcon u sure are strong... but luckily, i am stronger! so say...peeeeee-eeeeeee-eewwww. kaaack. kaaack. hee hee hee, okay u win. omg duk duk that was a doozy.
o hi mom. um, nothing really. we were just reading and..wait, what do u mean stop playing silly smelly games? we were just sitting here and suddenly out of nowhere this giant foofie cloud came up and...okay, fine. i said okay. pupscouts honor. have a nice time at the grocery store and we love you too bye.
hee hee, and that concludes another smellytastic meeting of the royal order of falcons. :)
hee hee hee - ooo looky, something new! i wonder if this is the thing mom said she is going to recover for mister randy and miss bonnie. mom said mister randy has had this stool forever so i bet there are lots of interrsting things to smell...
(sniff sniff) (sniff sniff) hmm..(sniff sniff)....hmmm... (sniff sniff)..long hair...tiny...uh oh...cricket!
girl cooties.
mom, please do not worry or anything, but can u please call the tushie man immediately and ask him to bring a cootie vaccine asap?
well, we were just thinking, mom, that he probably really deserves it on account of all the eggs he takes without really asking. and then, when he gives them out, he gets all the credit when what did he do, really? i mean, he has all year to come up with something original that he can make himself and he has all year to come up with something fun to do but what does he do? every year he gives out chicken eggs he stole from, u guessed it, chickens, and every year if u r really not luckee, he makes u scary santa sit on his lap for pictures at the mall. only it is worse because u do not even get to ask him for presents or anything so u pretty much dressed up and stress pooped for nothing. not to mention the humiliation of the whole experience really - i mean, u probably do not understand that on account of not being natural born predator like me and duk duk, but trust me, wolves and falcons do not just sit on their prey’s lap if u know what i mean.
o, and the jelly beans that everyone thinks he poops? not even. chocobot says he poops pellets just like every other bunny cuz he saw him pooping at last easter’s invitation only tgiafter easter disco party. which he only started holding after he found out about our tgidiscofriday parties and u know he knows we know which is why he did not invite us.
so, anyway, i guess what me and duk duk are trying to say is, yes, we think it is perfectly fine to ask if u would help us rent a backhoe so we can finally dig a big enough hole to finally trap him and finally when we do, we finally can go rawwwr on him and finally that would be that. cuz ima wolf. and he’s a falcon. and rawwring is what we do. :)
hee hee, okay okay, duk duk, do not get your feathers in a bunch. i toldjoo, i can come down there as soon as i’m done with my mini ferociou whisker facial and ear wrap :)
why, nopies, mom, i did not hear or see anything like that. and u would think i would notice, too, because i have just been sitting here waiting for duk duk to come back with some sunscreen really. u know, so we can do a little tummy tanning together. this time of year is always so nice for timmy tanning, isn’t it? well, anyhoo, if anything changes i will let u - sorry, what’s that? what’s what between my toesies?
oh, um, wow. hmm. would u look at that - they look just like the ones u said were missing! only, of course, these are not those otherwise they would be missing too, wouldn’t they, mom? :)
well, mom, i guess usually i do like to face george, but today seemed like a good day to serve things smelly side up if u know what i mean. :)
okay, mom, i am all buckled in so let’s get a move on that chicken is not buying itself u know :)
the little dachshund stared at his mother in disbelief. ‘yes i can, mom’ he told her. ‘this might take a second, but let me show u.’
the little dachshund took in several hwoops of air as they continued their walkie, swallowing down every hwoop and then hwooping more.
‘now,’ said the little dachshund, whose voice by now sounded like he was speaking thru the release valve of a pressure cooker, ‘do not be worried if my back side goes up first. that’s just the nature of process really. but let’s keep walking and any second now u will see...’
a faint whistle noise started to fill the air, squeaking and sputtering in a fashion that oddly seemed to complement sound of nails clicking on the pavement.
‘wait, i just need to adjust..hwooooooop...okay i think i got it,’ said the little dachshund. the whistling noise started again. despite the brisk pace of their walkie, the air surrounding the little dachshund and his mother started to smell faintly of day old gummy worms. the whistling grew louder as the clicks of his nails grew fainter until finally, there was nothing left to hear but the steady whistle, and nothing left to see but a little dachshund, floating happily by his mom. :)
why no, mother, it certainly could not have been me. i have just been sitting here soaking in the sun. :)
we promise to read the letter first. now may we open it, mom ?
okay okay, i am going as fast as i can, stink butt. besides if some dukkie didn’t sit on my glasses we would not have this problem, would we?? alright now where was i? o yes...’and even though duk duk is a poopie butt, please enjoy this very special gift. love, miss debbi.’ oh looky and over here is a clue! ‘unlock the secret of the wizard, and seven special wishes will be granted.’
whoa, duk duk. a supercool magic wizard!! i wonder what his secret is...
do not worry, mom, we will not be cold at all. duk duk has his feathers and i have my down coat. and besides, we will only be at the creek long enough to look for hippos and if there are not any we will come right back and order some online. o, speaking of which, and on a totally unrelated note, may we please borrow your credit card for some very important learning related purchases? :)
Our house has gotten fuller since tiny chumley came into our lives, not only because our lives are more enriched, but because, well, we just have more stuff. So it hardly made any sense for me to buy the chair i spied at the habitat restore a few weeks ago, but there it was, sitting in sadness outside along with all its other buy one get one free wooden misfit counterparts. Just begging to be saved.
Naw, we don’t need it, I thought as I started looking to see how easily it might be recovered. Screws on the seat underside - yeppies, but the back, hmm, oh, screws, and a weird but surely manageable tab in slot system! Metal chairs like this were always kind of cool so, eh, even though I can’t find another chair to bogo, I guess I would only be out four bucks so... sold!
The tricky part of doing an office chair of any sort is that fabric usually cannot be affixed using a staple gun. This basically turns the project into a sewing project, using traced patterns, upholstery thread and a curved upholstery needle. In tracing patterns, be very generous with seam allowances and where possible always serge (or zigzag atitch) the edge of each piece to keep things tidy and to provide the all important channel for threading fishing line where needed, because..
...once threaded all around, (or in this case 3/4 around) pull the fishing line taut on the fabric for the front of the seatback to create a sort of shower cap effect . This helps the fabric conform to the curves of the piece, while the large seam allowance I mentioned earlier helps minimize the wrinkles at the visible outer edge. Once the front fabric is smoothed and secured using pins, sew the back fabric in place using the curved needle and upholstery thread.
The seat bottom for this was a bit more of a challenge than I anticipated because I couldn’t easily pry open the little tabs that were holding the vinyl hostage. Plan B was to create a surface on the underside onto which I could sew the cover fabric. So just as I did with the back of the seat back, I traced a pattern and used it on fabric that had been interfaced to improve body and durability. For the seat bottom underside fabric, I also added a dart and some breather holes. After filling in some missing foam and taping all the vinyl cracks and otger susceptible areas to hopefully minimize future splits, I covered the seat bottom with a bit of batting temporarily held in place with sulky spray, then covered that with a dark indigo denim that folded over to the underside. Then and only then was it time to hand sew the denim to the piece I had made and put darts in, being careful to use clamps to maintain proper slack and tension in the denim so that the seat bottom could go back on the chair the way it was intended, with a lip over the edge.
Put everything back together and then voila!
super cool new chair for the foyer!
or, as tiny chumley would like to remind me, super cool new chair for a wolf in the foyer, dontchoo mean, mom? :)
A tiny adventure to score some bulky items meant the little kielbasa couldn’t use his snoozer when he accompanied me to our desination this past weekend, leaving him feeling quite disappointed that he couldn’t exactly see where we ended up, but blissfukky happy thar that he could soak up the sun :)
