poopiekinesis

well, duk duk, seeing as how we have nothing but time on our hands while we watch mom work, maybe if we stare at the snackie jar long enough, it will finally happen. :)  

the hungry little wolf :)

'o our dear mother will never notice just one tiny tomato missing from today's bountiful harvest,' the mighty and ferocious wolf told his watchful falcon friend. and then he ate another... 

happy 4thie day

hee hee, okay okay.."four score and threeveteenzillion years ago, our founding fathers stepped foot on a new continent and pretty much decided after a while that it would be nice to have a holiday in the summer where u could grill stuff and stream movies and be thankful for air conditioning. they took this idea to their founding fathers thinking they might want to celebrate too, only our founding fathers forgot that their founding fathers neither possessed space travel or time travel capabilities so they had no idea what air conditioning or movie streaming was really about. or movies, really.  so, our founding fathers jumped back on their dragon and flew to the moon - well they called it the pendants back then - so they flew to the pendants and told the people and wolves and Falcons who were preparing for the party to go ahead and plan it without their grand founding fathers but to hurry up because any minute now a sand snake was going to surface and if they did not blast off soon it would really mess up their party plans. and as they blasted off one of the ferocious wolves declared, 'smell u later, poopinators!' and although technically he was not on the ground when he said it, because he was still in the pendant's air space, well, that is why we still know it as our declaration in the pendants. oh, and through the years really, not much has changed about how we celebrate in the pendants day except now when we party  on the 4th, we also play disco music." okay I think that should be good enough, dontchoo duk duk? now we can settle down for a nice nappie and some cheese  and - 

um, yes mom we finished our very throughly researched blog post for the Fourth of July. it has a picture we made and everything :)

twelve little duks :)

Twelve little duks on a hot summer day, popped out of the wolf's heat cave so they could play! :)

a flock of duk duks

hee hee, mom, with all of duk duk's cousins in town, I think we are going to need a bigger swimmy pool :)  

we must be gigabillionaires

the hee hee yeah duk duk, it is really small, isn't it? like, super duper tiny small. I thought it would be eleventy hundred times bigger based on the photos mom took, dontchoo duk duk?  oh hang on a sec, I think mom is saying something 2 us...

okey dokey mom, I promise me and duk duk will return it to madwilly as soon as we are finished looking at it...

boy, if this is the size mansion that millionaires built, then we must be gigabillionaires :)

reloaded

whoa, duk duk, déjá vu . :) #jedilaserlightsabertherapyagaintoday

post twits :)

wow, duk duk, u r right. this is really archaic. they call these post its but u cannot even link these to an alarmed calendar event much less set a hyperlink to your Instagram or Twitter feed. 

 

it's like, yeah they are post-its, but post it where? post it on your blog? nopies. post it on your Pinterest? nopies. post it to your etsy shop? nopies. post it on your linked in? nopies.

I guess once u r done say like writing a reminder or drawing an awesome poopie snake, then u can post them on your wall but not even like, your Facebook wall. so like, u literally just post them to your wall. literally. with no likes or anything later.  it's crazy, right?

yeppies, duk duk, I think u r right. it is a sacrifice we will have to make. let me ask her...

mom, a) thank u very much for these lovely post its u found at homegoods, b) we are sorry we used your credit card without asking and c) well, for as long as I am in jail, if me and duk duk promise never to do it again and promise to stay off amazon and stop setting up Amazon Subscribe and Save orders for gummy worms and possibly other items u may or may not have realized we have already set to convenient auto delivery every two weeks, well, if we promise all that, do u think we maybe might can have my iPad mini back? :)

ob-la-di, ob-la-da

Despite his time in jail, life goes on for a little kielbasa and his toyfriend, especially with help from the springtime scents wafting in from an open window :)

hee hee, duk duk did u smell that? i think the stinky bassets ate turkey and cheese yesterday. no wait (sniff sniff). hee hee sorry, the turkey was me.  (pffewweeooooop! sniff sniff) hee hee, yep, definitely me. :)

everything is orange

hee hee, whoa, duk duk, r u sure we are not on a merry go round because everything looks so orange and swirly now. :) #byebyegabapentin #hellovalium #jaildaynumero5 #donotworryitisreallynotsoorangeorswirly 

#trueWolfStories part 2 (guts and glory)

 




...so i'm like "hrop thith one thoo?? dhad, you're kiddingh hme. the whole reathon hwhy hwe hwent thlooking hin hower backhyard hwas hthoo theck and hthee if there were henny more. i caughth hit hfair andh thquare." 













 

then the hungry wolf in me decided, "hnope. hnope. hnoth afther hlast thime no thirree. hnot gonna hrop it. hen-oh-capithal peeth."
































it seemed like things were going nowhere, but then i had an idea. "hey hmom, hdo u hrememberr hwhat hwe talkedth habout hearlier? hafter the hfirth bunny? hif u hlet me do hthat hthen i hwill hrop it.  do hew haff a hdeal?"


"i hthaid, do hwe haff a hdeal?"

yesssss!

and that, my friends, ends the reenactment portion of our #trueWolfStories for today. thank u anton the little lion for volunteering to play the role of bunny numero dos. 

now duk duk, if you would pull the blinds so we can start the video portion of our - what's that, lil pink puppy? oh yeppies the second bunny i caught was like a whole week older so naturally it was bigger, just like anton here. it was probably my biggest catch to date as a wolf, really. i know, so impressive, right?  and, yeppies it hopped away, back into the periwinkle patch where i cannot tinkle in for the next few weeks because mom says they need to get bigger and smarter.   any more questions?

well, lulu the tiger, u see, me and duk duk pretty much knew mom would never let us record and post what we really would want to if i ever caught a bunny and gave it the real wolf treatment, so we came up with a discreet but awesome design we could use to post a picture of my wolfy success facebook and instagram, and we came up with a plan on how we could make a video that would pretty much capture the essence of what we know would happen when a wolf uknowhats a bunny, without it, being, well u know, too #rawwwry. so mom agreed to let us do all that. speaking of which, without further ado, please now enjoy the video portion of our #trueWolfStories.  Ladies and gentlewolves, me and duk duk present to u, guts and glory. :)

#trueWolfStories as reenacted to friends (part 1)

...so she finally comes back to the deck and by now i'm at the door waiting to for someone to open it and i'm like, 'hmom, hlooky!! hno hinner hfor hme hthankth cuth i cauth hmine! hcan hyou pleeth hopen hthe hdoor hnow htho i can heath hit inthide hon hmy hthnackie blankee?'  

only i do not think she could hear a word i said over all that screaming.  then,  when she finally stops and tells me to u know what...

..i'm like, 'hrop it? harr hyou hidding hme??'  but i do,  because i thought maybe she just wanted come close and see it better because really who would not want to see that, right? especially since otherwise i am pretty sure all she could see were tiny feet sticking out, what with my mouth being so ferocious and wolfy big.

anyhow,  i dropped it, but she stayed where she was standing and she called me to come to her which i'm like, well, okay, duk duk's inside and none of the dopeys are out, so yeah, sure, let's go get dad bcuz i bet he will want to see it too.
 
so mom carries me to the front where dad was mowing the lawn and she blah blah blahs then dad blah blah blahs and then we all go back to admire it but dad gets the shovel and next thing i know and long story short, no bunny stew for dinner ...



 










...but yeppies.. (ptoo)... thank u, blinky,  for volunteering to help me with my reenactment and maybe now if u could just lie still on the plate i brought for just another minute,  just so everybuddy can get a feel for size, yes?  yes like, oh yes like that... now, where was i? oh i know! what happens a week later.... (to be continued) :)

plans within plans

hee hee, yep u got us mom! we were totally trying to april fool u into believing we would actually want 2 read something, but in retrospect i guess it was a pretty lame-o idea bc u know us so well. hey, speaking of well, well i guess me and duk duk will put everything away and maybe we will just lie here in the nice warm sun for a while.  so, if u do not mind, maybe me and duk duk will catch up with u in the sewing room in, o, i dunno, maybe a few hours?. :)

(...annnd, she's gone!  phew! okay, duk duk,  let's hurry up and do this!)

"Danny Dunn and the Homework Machine", by jay williams and raymond abrashkin.  boy u r right, duk duk,  finally, i think we have found a book worth reading.  i sure hope it comes with technical drawings, dontchoo? :)

candy dish

mom, are u sure these are for guests only? :)

crop husbandry 101

As a certain little kielbasa wolf and his little wannabe falcon toyfriend get older, I like to think they've gotten a little wiser about how to fill their bottomless tummies, having spent hours together as best friends do, dreaming up ways to augment their diet with the foods, tastes, and smells they love so dearly. 

Sometimes, their ideas are brilliant, if not cracked in their wisdom thanks in no small part to the haphazard absorption of things they have barely bothered to learn in school.   But, it all makes sense to them, and who am I to stand in the way of such cuteness and earnest optimism? :)





...well, mom, in a word, yeppies.  i am confident we could introduce project UknowWhat into our garden growing plans for this year with minimal impact to existing staff workload, space utilization, and irrigation infrastructure. in fact, i doubt we would need any of those resources at all due to the recent discoveries me and duk duk have made with respect to where UknowWhats come from. let me explain...

(duk duk, if you could please just move that there so i can focus on...okay... okay yeah that's good.)

as i was saying, mom. it is ez pz really...



 
 

 

you see, these are peanuts ...

...and these? these are peanut eggs.   :)

abcd

that's right, mom.  if u take us to the candy store and to the farm supply store and to the hardware store, and then drop us and all our supplies off by rabbit ravine after school today and not ask any questions, we promise we will do our homework for the next two weeks without u having to remind us, and we will stop pestering u about seeing deadpool until it comes out on dvd. o, and we promise 2 not use the school computer during study hall to google translate poop conversations into other languages and post them on facebook. deal?
 

deal! okay, mom, i hope u have a very good physical therapy session and we will see u later after school. 























hee hee hee.  o wait, yes she is gone. what? yes i know, duk duk, it will be very difficult to stick to our agreement but a) we really could not get in to see deadpool at the theaters anyway because it is rated R and we already have enough of a hard time getting in just as a wolf and a falcon, b) we only agreed to homework and not special projects,  c) our study hall computer privileges at school were already suspended anyway on account of all the kack sprache, and d) finally we can get a leg up on catching the easter bunny once we get everything built and the u know what set. :)

happy valentine's day :)

hee hee, yeah I know, right duk duk? i mean, when mom told us we had 2 be even nicer with our valentine's day cards we have 2 hand out at school this year, i thought it would be impossible. but i think we did a pretty good job all and all.  plus really, it is kind of redundant to tell all the girls they stink because they probably already know it, as many times as we tell them.  and looky, we are so polite in saying thank u and we even included a helpful directional arrow so there is no confusion what they should do after we give them our cards. now. all i need to do is get out of this bowtie from our reed diffuser photo shoot and prep our cootie vaccines while u print the cards and..oh wait, i think mom is talking 2 us...yes, mom, we finished our valentines but we are still in the sewing room but not for long because we still have to print them and i need to...okay we will wait...
 

sheesh, seriously, mom? but i was going 2 change out of it.  yes i know today is also school picture day but if i wear it 2 school, u know that all of the girls will think i did it because of valentine's day and none of the girls will even bother reading our valentines very carefully at all and then nobuddy will stand over there and then there will be a epic giant cootietastrophe the likes of which no cootie vaccine would ever be able to adequately protect us.

 

the smelly, the quick, and the dooty :)

...(sniff sniff..snort...sniff sniff sniff sniff...snort......sniff.....sniff sniff sniff.. snort.........sniff....sniff)...

yes, mom.... (sniff sniff).....i think ...(sniff)......i think........

yes, mom, i think that's the one :)

 
Hee hee, some things are taken very seriously in tiny chumley's little world.  Especially smell, which seems to make up a very large part of his sensorial existence.  There are all kinds of smells in his world, good smells that smell bad and bad smells that smell good.  Smells to chase, smells to eat, smells to be proude of and share with others, and even smells to play games with.  Hardly a moment goes by where tiny chumley's nose isn't eagerly taking in the world around him through his sniffer, so it seems only fitting that a certain little wannabe wolf and falcon would take it upon themselves with a little help from their mom to make one of their wildest makey dreams come true,  so the rest of the world can experience it with them too.

The world is a much better place when seen through the eyes of an imaginative little dachshund and his toyfriends.  And now it will smell better, too.  :)

ps - to find out more and purchase the newest smelly addition to our shop, please be sure to check in any time after our 9:00 AM EST dooty call -->  https://www.etsy.com/shop/kalyxcraftopia




 

yessssss!

oooOOOooOOooooo - yessss, chocobot! the snow did not melt!
u know what that means - school is cancelled today!!

hee hee, gimme tail :)

pair vs pair

what?!?!? duk duk, they totally are. o come on. u r missing a wing, not a pair of eyeballs.










nopies. nopies.  totally the same.  nopies. nopies. nope. nopies. except maybe for color, u can hardly tell them apart. they are right there, in front of us. how can u even think that they are not-

 

okay fine, nobuddy move. if u do not believe me, we will ask mom. but be prepared for a pounding once she tells us a wolf is right. 

moooom, can u please come here for a minute and help us settle something so duk duk can get the pounding he deserves?  oh goody, thanks for coming so soon...










 

hee hee, okay, be honest, mom.  they're totally the same, right? :)