mister mystery bug

the little dachshund waited patiently for something exciting to happen. if only he was born maybe a little less ferocious, he thought to himself. then maybe the bunnies would still be willing to visit his yard. and then he could chase them again and...then he realized he could never be any less ferocious than the bunnies could ever be less wary of him. he could only be who he was and right now besides being ferociois, he was also b o r e d. and then, it happened.

a mysterious bug landed on the window and the little dachshund could barely contain his excitment. “o mister mystery bug, if u r what i think u r, may i please smell u?”

”why of course,” said the mystery bug, who by now was becoming less and less mysterious.

“why thank you, mister mystery bug. i promise i will be gentle.” the little dachshund drew a deep breath and then squealed with delight. “it’s true! it’s true! just like teacher told us. u aren’t just any mister mystery bug. u are mister stink bug!!”

”why yesss i am,” said mister stink bug. “it is nice to finally meet someone who appreciates my stink as much as you seem to.”

“i sure do. sometime when my toyfriends and i are playing guess whose foofie, i hope u can join us, too. we can make some pretty doozy smells but nothing as doozy what i smelled just now! mister stink bug, before you leave, may i please ask one more favor?”

”of course, my new and treasured friend,” said mister stink bug. “in fact, if it is what i think it is, you do not even have to ask. just go ahead, it’s okay.”

“hee hee, thank you mister stink bug,” said the little dachshund as he extended his neck out as far as it could go. “i cannot wait to tell my mom about my day.” :)

helium

the little dachshund stared at his mother in disbelief. ‘yes i can, mom’ he told her. ‘this might take a second, but let me show u.’

the little dachshund took in several hwoops of air as they continued their walkie, swallowing down every hwoop and then hwooping more.

‘now,’ said the little dachshund, whose voice by now sounded like he was speaking thru the release valve of a pressure cooker, ‘do not be worried if my back side goes up first. that’s just the nature of process really. but let’s keep walking and any second now u will see...’

a faint whistle noise started to fill the air, squeaking and sputtering in a fashion that oddly seemed to complement sound of nails clicking on the pavement.

‘wait, i just need to adjust..hwooooooop...okay i think i got it,’ said the little dachshund. the whistling noise started again. despite the brisk pace of their walkie, the air surrounding the little dachshund and his mother started to smell faintly of day old gummy worms. the whistling grew louder as the clicks of his nails grew fainter until finally, there was nothing left to hear but the steady whistle, and nothing left to see but a little dachshund, floating happily by his mom. :)

jail break

Yesterday a certain little wolf received a scolding. If I could turn back time, I would know now to react differently, but when I heard his little whimper yelps from a room away, my heart sank. The little kielbasa had been doing fine all morning.  Now off the Gabapentin he was prescribed for pain at the emergency hospital, he was happier,  skippier,  and his tail much more waggy.  And he was surprisingly content to lie in the cradle of his little red bun crate, sunning by an open window in an xpen contained space that allowed me to work nearby, yet also sit with him on occasion to enjoy each other's company.  Orders were filled, emails answered. Noon arrived quickly.

"Stay here, my little friend," I told him as I caressed the warm soft fur of his sun warmed face. "It's time for lunchy lunch. I will be right back with both our lunches and they will be very delicious and we can eat them together right here!   Do not go anywhere.  Stay right here and I will be back very shortly." A kiss on his forehead sealed our deal, and I climbed out of tiny chumley's little jail.  

I had been gone for two and a half  minutes when I heard his painful squeaks over the hum of our microwave. Feelings of dread and worry and wonder fueled my fears as I made my way back to the living room.   Did he turn too fast in bed? Did something fall? How bad will it - 

The distance I had expected to dash was halved when I found the little kielbasa on the opposite side of his golden prison, shaken and still on the rebound from his painful event,  with sad little droopy ears and a furrowed forehead and tail now no longer happy as it had been only moments ago. My little wolf had found a weakness in his makeshift prison cell, and successfully shimmied his way to freedom by way of a low lying pathway under my cutting table.  

 

The giant gasp I let out foreshadowed for tiny chumley an imminent shower of disapproval.  "Naughty!" I scolded him, "So naughty!" tiny chumley's body shrank under the weight of the words that flowed, his brown eyes seemingly getting moister and sorrier, and little head melting into floor with each word I uttered.   After my brief scolding, I swiftly but carefully returned him to the safety of his improved gilded cage. 

Thankfully, tiny chumley seems physically and emotionally no worse for wear.  But I remain scarred by the experience, feeling careless and stupid for not having checked for the weakness in his cell, feeling frustrated for being able to comfort tiny chumley in familiar ways, and most of all, feeling awful for having scolded a sweet little wolf who was only trying to make way to his mom. 

Scars of this nature are an unusual thing. They can forever burden us and lock us in a world of insecurity and isolation. Or we can become stronger for having earned them, and use them as lessons to guide us into becoming better, more compassionate souls.  I have learned a lot from having a sweet little wolf in the house.  And I promise I will learn some more. :)

(as tall as a giraffe)

 
 

sometimes i wish i were as tall as a giraffe,

and if it were just a little cheaper,

i'd be okay with being just half. :)

- baxter, 9.25 years old

 

tiny catnip mousie stuffed in a red wood shoe

o tiny catnip mousie stuffed in a red wood shoe,

i will wait for u to come out so i can pounce you,

because that is what wolves do. :)

- baxter, 9.2 years old :) 

ode to snow

i hope i will get to see,
some lovely pretty snowflakes
falling in front of me. :)

everything is round :)

"ooooOOOOooOOoOOooo!" the little dachshund exclaimed.  The little dachshund had lived with his loving family long enough to know that any time he was asked to put a napkin in his collar and wait by his little orange table, tiny lunch - and therefore something tummylicious - was always about to be served.  But the sight before him exceeded any expectations he and his bottomless tummy could have ever imagined.

"look, duk duk,  everything is round!"

The little dachshund eagerly sniffed at the delicious treats.  "yippee, cherry tomato! and raspberry! and..." He nose wiggled wildly, sniffing at the last, curious dish. "hmmm, meatball? made of...chick- no wait, not chicken...no, not turkey exactly...maybe it's a combination of..o i know! turduck-" Glancing quickly at his best toyfriend beside him and fighting back the urges of his inner wolf, the little dachshund stopped himself just in time. "i smell turds and ucken! boy, it is a shame mom said u r allergic to ucken, duk duk, otherwise u could totally have some."















"well, i guess there is no time like the present, right, duk duk? it's time for tiny lunchy lunch!" And the little dachshund happily gobbled his meatball and raspberry and tiny tomato, knowing that tiny lunchy lunch would be repeated again and again, until finally lunchy lunch was over. :)

baxter and duk duk's teeny tiny stories for little puppies: the little shark

The little shark knew that things would look very funny if people ever saw him. He was, after all, a ferocious shark, and he had traveled many miles from the safety of the ocean to seek the treasure that his tummy had promised would be there if he only looked hard enough.  And now here he was, guided by his tummy to the vacant den of a little wolf, searching for his delicious bounty.

boy, this place stinks of bubbles and poopie clouds, the little shark thought to himself as he sniffed about the little wolf's den, and some fruity smell i cannot exactly place.  kind of like gummy fish only...hmmmm... Before the little shark could finish his thought, he spied what he thought to be his prize and ferociously chomped down on it as all sharks must do, with his eyes rolled back and ears firmly pressed back against his head to protect them from the awesomely loud crunch crunch crunchy sounds of...wait, nothing?  sheesh!, the little shark proclaimed. Clearly the little wolf had already eaten all the good crunchy gut parts and was saving the rest of the duk for later.

The little shark's tummy gurgled as he continued to shark around the den.  He had never seen a land trebuchet before but knew from school that it bore similarities to his and his best seal friend dunt dunt's ocean trebuchet. mostly in the tension spring mechanism and the moment arm, he remembered, which his visit now confirmed to be one hundred percent true.  The little shark's tummy grumbled louder.

After chomping on every animal he found in the little wolf's den and finding them devoid of their precious crunchy guts, the little shark began to wonder exactly what it was his tummy thought he would find here.  And then he spied it. A delicious bone he figured that was probably half the size of his body when the little wolf first found it, now only a third of his size because the little wolf had been chomping on it.  And now it was the little shark's turn to make it disappear. :)

o meaty thighs

O meaty thighs,

how I love that u help me run and play,

but maybe one day u could deflate just a little,

so my hiney paws know what it is like to touch the ground when I sleep. :) 

giant blueberry

the little dachshund sat patiently, trying his best to ignore the racing putter patter of his heart, and the twitchy twitch twitch his curious wet nose.  there was no need to rush, he knew.  soon enough, he delicious giant blueberry would be in his tummy, and that would be the end of that. :)

baxter and duk duk's tiny tales for little puppies: pop! (part 1)

the little dachshund could not believe his luck.  there before him it lay, a tiny kernel of unpopped popcorn. the little dachshund had always heard popcorn pop, and he had always smelled popcorn pop, and he had even tasted delicious popped popcorn, but he had never ever actually seen popcorn actually pop. and so the little dachshund patiently waited, waiting for his tiny popcorn kernel to pop...

prince plumprump's plumpy rump

so plump was prince plumprump's plumpy rump,

that everybuddy thought he plumped his rump with a pump,

except for the tushie man who most certainly knew,

that putting anything even close to prince plumprump's plumpy rump,

would only make him jumpy jump. :) 

baxter and duk duk's teeny tiny tales for puppies: no grabsies, no chompsies, no messy kerplompsies :)

"oooOOooOooOOOooo!", the little dachshund exclaimed when the smell of what his mom was cooking finally settled down to the level of the tippy tip top of his upwardly pointed nose. "corny corn on the cob!!"

Wasting no time, the little dachshund quickly readied himself for what he knew was going to be his special after lunchy lunch surprise. "hee hee corn on the cob - first of the season!" He anxiously but carefully tucked his napkin under his collar and positioned himself by his little orange table. "two steps away, just like mom says i should be."  Nothing was going to delay his little treat if the little dachshund could help it.

The little dachshund waited and waited and waited, for what seemed like at least sixty seconds of forever.  "i must remember my manners, i must remember my manners," the little dachshund reminded himself over and over again.  "no grabsies, no chompsies, no messy kerplompsies." His heart beat faster with each passing second.  "i must remember my manners.  no grabsies, no chompsies, no messy kerplompsies." His ears pricked when he heard the lid placed down on the counter top, but the little dachshund stayed focused. "i must remember my manners. i must remember my manners. no grabsies, no chompsies, no messy kerplompsies."

With each passing moment, the words rang through the little dachshund's head louder and louder.  By the time his corn arrived, the words filled his mind, like a water balloon ready to burst.  "i must remember my manners.  i must remember my manners..."

"no grabsies..."

 

"no chompsies..."

"no messy kerplompsies!!"

Needless to say, the little dachshund's plan did not go exactly has he wanted it to go, but he and his mom and his tummy ended up very happy anyway, because sometimes all the best you can do is try your best, and you get delicious corn anyway. :)

twinkle twinkle tiny toes

twinkle twinkle tiny toes,
how I wonder where you go,
up and down such little feet,
walking on some dreamy street,
twinkle twinkle tiny toes,
how I wonder where you go. :)

baxter and duk duk's super short stories: The Winter Wolf

The ferocious wolf sauntered across the icy plain, oblivious to the chill and crunch of the snow that had fallen the night before. Not much snow had really fallen, he realized, but he knew it was enough.  The yellow snow he made earlier that morning assured him of that.  He quietly chuckled as he delighted in the memory what he and his duk friend were able to write in the snow, all while keeping his wolfy nose and super spidey senses focused on the task at hand.  Rabbits were always easier to track after snowfall.  Tonight,  there would be rabbit stew. :)

plumpy in pink

With each passing day, the little pink bud grew plumper and plumper, ignoring the rain and cold and frost that shriveled less committed buds.   Patience was key, the plump little pink bud knew.  One day, spring would arrive, and the little pink bud would be there to greet it.  Exploding, as he planned to do, into a giant pink and smelly blossom. :)

haiku friday: o glorious sun

o glorious sun,
how i have missed u this week,
my moon says hello.

- baxter, 8.1 years old :)

today is stomping day, another nother short story by baxter and duk duk, in lieu of the ninety page essay on the pros and cons of a spiced based universe economy, that we were supposed to write for writing class

The monster feet had been in stinky situations before.  Children may smell like children, but their feet stink too, and especially in slipper shoes like him because they never seemed to want to wear socks and their feet get all sweaty and the only thing left to absorb all the sweat is, well, him.  He used to think their feet smelled awful, only now as he sat on the thrift store shelf, surrounded by scuffed patent mary janes and tired old sneakers that no longer lit up when you stomped with them, he missed smelling like what he now felt monster feet should always smell like.

Forever seemed to pass at the thrift store as he watched moms and dads take pair after pair of more practical shoes home for their stinky feet children, while he remained, alone and wondering if he would ever get to stomp again.  Tired being passed over time and time again, the monster feet decided to go into a deep deep sleep.

A curious and very sniffy wet nose startled him awake.  What the heck??? This is not the thrift store, he realized as the rest of his senses came into consciousness.  Why is there a tiny red cabin in front of me and what's that smell? It smells worse than children feet - more like, meat mixed with duk mixed with poop mixed with - hey, that tickles!

The brushing sensation of curious but very appreciative whiskers gave way to two stubby and chubby but extremely awesomely ferocious paws, each slipping in to him with a stink, awe, and reverence he had never felt before. Hmm, the monster feet thought. I am not in a house with stinky children feet and yet I no longer miss them.












One of his feet was lifted high into the air as the faint sound of snickers danced about his ears.  Wheeeee!! Today is a new day, he proclaimed as he started to fall and the wind started whooshing around him.  Today is stomping day! :)

the third sense, another short story by baxter and duk duk, as told from the perspective of the tiny red cabin in the woods, still in lieu of our thirty page essay on the pros and cons of a spice based universe economy, that were were supposed to write for writing class , only now it is sixty pages because of the story we turned in yesterday

The tiny red cabin in the woods was relieved that its inhabitants had decided to go in to town for the evening.  Restless people are not very relaxing, and nothing irked the cabin more than having people inside it who did not appreciate the solitude that it offered. Now that they were gone, the little cabin could relax and go back to its happy go lucky, cabiny ways.

 And yet, a strange sense of foreboding still haunted the cabin.  It had survived many rough winters in the woods, put up with noisy little children and snoring adults and even survived a freak rainshower of poopie snakes mixed with monkey chow.  But something about this foreboding feeling was different. A warm wind blew in from behind, bringing with it a piquant stink of curious and exceptionally malodorous quality and consistency, accompanied by a low, almost imperceptible gurgling noise. 


Hmmmmmmmm, the tiny red cabin in the woods thought, hmmmmmmmmmmmmm....

O bother, the little cabin decided. I see no need to worry about things I can only smell and hear and cannot see.  I have stood here for many years now. And I will stand for many more. :)

the tiny red cabin in the woods, a short story by baxter and duk duk, in lieu of a thirty page essay on the pros and cons of a spice based universe economy, that we were supposed to write for writing class

The ferocious monster paused to watch from a distance as smoke billowed from the chimney that sat atop the tiny red cabin in the woods. There would be plenty of time to stomp the cabin to the ground, the monster thought to himself as he settled down onto the cool soft mossy ground.  He stretched out in the open and let out a big yawn, no longer worried about being seen by the cabin's inhabitants as he had only minutes ago watched them drive off to town, probably in search of more video games to play or movies to watch because really what else interesting can you do in a tiny red cabin in the woods while you are waiting for your dinner to cook over a fire you made with sticks you collected because there was nothing else to do, especially since there were no video games to play or movies to watch .

Normally the ferocious monster would have stomped on the cabin by now, but he knew that if he waited long enough, dinner would be ready, and rabbit stew tasted delicious regardless of how stomped it had gotten. He sniffed at the smoke as it wafted in his direction.  Eleventy, no, three o'ninesies more minutes to go.

Monsters usually stomp alone. It's more fun that way to have the whole cabin or town yourself to stomp because then you can look back and see all that you did yourself, he thought.  But as his tummy started to growl, the ferocious monster realized that this stomping would have been a lot more fun if his he had invited his friend, Dukalodon, to join him.  Not to eat him, but so he could play with him.  And then maybe eat him. Or at least try to. After he stomped the cabin and ate the rabbit stew.  :)

(hee hee, i hope u enjoyed our story and yep mom got me a super cool new monster hat from Michaels, modified by mom for ear holes :) )