baxter and duk duk’s last stand :)

well, basically until she goes home i guess. i mean, u saw what happened upstairs. a wolf leaves his third favorite bed for a minute and her fluffy butt yoinks it. instant cootieoactive waste site. me and duk duk probably will not be able to use that bed for another eleventy zillion years.  so, yeppies, if u could move my meal and water station over here, and if u would also put some poopie pads nearby,  i stink i mean think we will be good to go. :) 

fifteen candles :)

“o what a beautiful birthday cake! hurry, dad, put me down! it smells delicious!!” squealed the little wolf dachshund as his body wiggled with delight. 



“o happy day! i smell carrots and strawberries and blueberries and turkey too! i know i promised to make my birthday cake last by only taking one bite now and saving the rest for later…

but why take one bite,

when a chompy two will do?” :) 

today i am fifteen :)

(pfweeooOooOoooofweeeeooooOOOOooooOooooOooooOOOOooooOooooooooOOOooooOoooOooOoooOoooooOoooOOOOooOoOOOooooOoOOOOOOooooOooot!)

hee hee hee hee! o yeah, twenty days of eating nothing but fizzy fermented monkey chow smoothies have totally paid off. try and top that, my ferocious frien- uh oh.  smello?  first one 2 say foofie gets a bag of gummy worms. nobuddy? hee hee, totally gassed out! anybuddy? smello? 

um, mom, seeing as how everybuddy is unconscious, maybe we should wait on the group photo and do my individual birthday portrait first. :) 

secretaries of the treasury

hee hee, no, u stink more, duk duk! no wait, i mean i stink more! u? no, i stink more!  hee hee, no, i stink more! 

okay, can we just agree to disagree because we really need to finish this before mom gets home and finds out we used her printer again without asking. i mean, seriously, how can she think that projects like this are a waste of toner? this is probably like, the most genius and mature thing we have ever come up with, really, what with this paper currency being the ultimate representation of a fungible, fiscally responsible financial system, backed by gummy worms. which are probably like, the most stable valuable commodity like, ever really. this money, our money, will be more valuable than gold. more valuable than kibble. more valuable than - dare i say it? even more valuable than poopie snakes. waste of toner indeed! why, when we are done printing our money, we can buy mom even more toner than she ever needed! that’s the power of gummy worms, yessiree. 

hee hee, what’s that, duk duk? o yeppies, let’s print a zillion more sheets before she gets home so we can be gazillionaires. :)  

reTreat Tuesday :)

hee hee, yeppies, definitely still as ferocious as sunday.  okay everybuddy now remember, the whole reason why we agreed not to eat our candy haul and get all dizzy like we usually do is so we can go back out today and offer to take everyone’s leftover halloween candy off their hands. timing is everything, really. because if u try late on sunday people will be like nopies go away we are going to eat all of it, but by monday they will be like, wow the room is starting to spin and by tuesday , well by today they will be like, i think i’m going to hurl, please, take all of it! which is why we all have to be in peak physical form because i think we will get at least eleventy hundred pounds on our street alone! hello? u guys know  i can’t turn my head down with this thing on - why isn’t anybuddy saying anything??

 

aw great.  some buddies just couldn’t refrain from helping themselves to some candy after all, could they? well, i can’t pedal by myself.  now how am i gonna get all the candy home? ? hmmmmm. o i know..

mom, can i borrow your phone so i can uber a dump truck? :) 

a gummy saved is a gummy eaten

mom, after i am done with pounding duk duk, can u please take us to the candy store so he can replace all the gummy worms we were saving to buy our new trebuchet? 

upcycled

hee hee, yeppies, duk duk, it’s a thing of beauty. a perfect facsimile if i do say so

myself! nobuddy will ever notice the subtle change. it will just be, well, improved.  like everything we do around here. always for the better. in a smelly way at least. 

hee hee hee, okay, lemme just get the tape and the uknowwhat and we can call this project tadonezo! whoops  - why smello, mom!

what’s that? why, nopies, mom, we are doing nothing untoward or suspechoso. we are just sitting here practicing our old timey fancy writing. u know, in case u need our help with anything like that,. because seriously, this font style is due for a comeback any day now, dontchoo stink? by the way, me and duk duk saw u scored some lovely things from the thrifty store the other day. if u r going back today, can u see if they have anything decoratively suitable for a ferocious wolf and falcon den?  o u r going? hooray i guess we will see u later then. okay bye bye we love u too. 

whoa that was close.  i mean, what mom got was cool, but it can be so much better! okay i’ll get the tape and u get the unknowwhat and meet u back in a whiffy. 

one tapey , two tapey , everything’s tadonezo!

hee hee, yeppies, duk duk, this is so much better. now let’s hang it back in the foyer so everybuddy can see  :)

getting 2 know u

rawwwwr! rawwwwr! rawwwwwwr! o hang on..

(pfweeeeOooOoOoooOooooooOot!) 

heehee hee hee, hoo-whee! that scored a perfect eleventy on the sphincter scale if i do say so myself! not that i have to, now that our new squishee mallow friends are with us. why, i am certain they, too, will attest to the violently putrefactive and pungent, yet subtly sweet jelly bean scented aroma of an expertly generated - 

what??? u think THAT was uncouthy ?? no, i’ll show u guys uncouthy. duk duk, open the window and batten down the hatches because we are gonna make a foofie the likes of which only poops hulud has smel-

o, why, smello, mom. what did u say? what are we smelling, i mean doing ?? well, nothing really. i mean, me and duk duk were just playing quietly with our new squishee mallow friends. and, u know, normal stuff like that. is it time for lunchy lunch yet? :) 

24 hours ago :)

whoa, duk duk! are u peeing what i am peeing??

like, seriously, the easter bunny left us all this??  how could he - i mean, seriously like i have been looking everywhere for Avery for your hatch day present. like, for forever now. so cool. tho i must admit, u r way ferociouser. o, and  happy hatch day by the way my friend, u get more and more ferocious every day. on and looky! and we even got a dexter, which totally makes sense because dragons are like the third most ferocious being, next to wolves and falcons. and there is no way anyone should make a wolf squishee on account of it being so ferocious that it would scare everyone in the store and well, u know, there would be a lot of “clean up aisle 7! “s going on.

hee hee, i guess we should not have been scaring the easter bunny away all these years after all.  but, u know, ferocious is as feroc - omg LOOK...

he left us a magic chicken that poops jelly beans!! 

hee hee, i guess technically we should be asking mom, but i am sure mom will not mind if we have a little beany bean nibble before brunchy brunch, dontchoo think, duk duk ? two for me and one 4 u :)

showdown at the nopies corral

yeah? well we’ll see who’s heat cave this is. just u wait, mini cootie cassie patootie bottoms, when mom comes down she’ll tell you  - o wait i think she is here.. 

see mom?? i told u it was an emergency.  o and after u show her the door, me and duk duk are going to need two space suits and at least eleventy gallons of full strength hospital grade sanitizer. o and probably at least thirty zillion hand wipes :)

big blue blankie bun

...omg duk duk, sheesh, how many times can i say nopies already? no. n. o. it’s not like we have been over this eleventy zillion times already. what are we, stuck in a jonas kahnwald time bubble? please, spare me the splintering into parallel worlds and agony of infinite déjà vu . n.o. nopies...besides, u know how i feel about it. it’s a visually platitudinous. i mean, visual poopitudinous. look, see how strongly i feel about it? u made me forget to use proper poop grammar.  duk duk, we have spent our entire lifetime being original. we are not hacks, duk duk... o come on, sheesh, what’s a wolf gotta do to get some sleep around here? 

okay okay, fine, duk duk..,

...u can be the mustard and i’ll be the hot dog in our big blue blankie bun. but come this halloween, i better not hear anything more about it. the last thing we need is to dress up like food for some big dopey dog to chomp on. 

faster than the speed of zoom

ever since he was little, the little dachshund knew he had special powers. with his eyes, he could spy the biggest bunny, and smallest, tiniest bug. with his teeth, he could expertly chomp corn on the cob, and watermelon, and not one but three different varieties of cherry tomatoes. with his ears, he could hear the exact moment when his mother finished her lunch, and know when it would time for his. and with his feet, he could run faster than the speed of zoom. 

hee hee, no need to call me, mom, i am here for my lunchy lunch!! :) 

and visitor makes four :)

um, well, naturally we are going to need four  servings of gummy worms  and snackies now, dontchoo think, mom? i mean, it would be rude not to offer our guest a double helping, wouldn’t it? 

stir crazy:)

hee hee, no u quit it. i’m just waiting here quietly like mom asked us to... well, it is not my fault u ate so many smelly jelly beans, duk duk. hee hee, well technically not my fault. but any-

phoowee! omg, duk duk, that was riper than the time we put a cheezy rind and the crusty crusts from our egg salad sandwiches in the dryer. and that was only yesterday. ah memories...o, or the time, when we put tuna, and kool aid powder, and cabbage in the washer? yeah that smelly.  hee hee, also yesterday come to think of it. o, i think mom is finally coming..

mom, i know we are supposed to be waiting here quietly until u r ready to take our picture to send to the pee m v for our new pedal license, but do u think maybe we could wait quietly down in the laundry room? i mean, not to suggest that u should be doing laundry or anything. i mean, like, well, we just want to wait down there for no real reason really. :)

koalawomba (doot doot bee doot doot) :)

o m g, duk duk, look - mom finally finished our prototypes !! hee hee, i can hear our sales pitch now -  ladeez and gentlewolves, please hold on to your brains because they are about to explode! sprung from the minds of a genius wolf and falcon and made by their makey mom, part supercute koala and part amazing giant wombat, and one hundred percent adorable, i present to you our very special and very limited edition koalawomba hats for ferocious wolves and wolfettes (profits to benefit australia bushfire relief)!

and looky, even in cootie pink, they are still very ferocious! yeppies, i am glad we are making our first doot of the year a fundraiser. i mean, it will mean a few less gummy worms for us, but seriously all the koalas and wombats that i keep seeing in our reddit feed...i cannot even imagine if our poopie snake museum caught on fire.  quick help me put one on before mom comes back. 

ooo this faux fur is so soft! and omg, whodathunk it would be possible - i feel even more ferocious. 

okay now pull my ears thru but don’t yank... well, i am reminding u because even though  u should know by now, u always yank. and u know how delicate a wolf’s ears are. like, seriously, we have been friends forever now and u cannot even remember .. o, is this thing on already ? thank u for not yanking. finally. 

hee hee okay, whatchoo think, duk duk? does my head look massive?  tell me my head looks massive. yeah i know, this faux fur is incredible. mom said it was so messy to work with, the koalawomba hats will be a one time only makey make. how many? i think she said we will have a total of five, maybe six koalawomba hats of each color. then poof, that’s it. 

 what? well...

didjoo know wombats can weigh up to 77 pounds and can reach up to 3.3 feet long? and koalas? they eat so many eucalyptus leaves,  they pretty much stink of eucalyptus leaves? ipso facto, who wouldn’t want to be a  koalawomba? yeah we really must not be eating enough gummy worms cuz your smelly butt still stinks of - 




whoa i think mom just got home. i guess we will have to sneak back and try on the cootie pink koalawomba  and the wooly bear ones another day. but they should all fit the same bc mom used the same pattern we drew up for her, only the wooly bear ones will look smaller bc their ears are different they will not be so poofy! okay quick, help me take this off before she catches us! what’s that? o yeah i guess we should come up with a doot date and time, shouldn’t we? hmmm...




o i know, how could anybuddy forget this date and time?? how bout this sunday 02/02 at noon and midnitey nite eastern standard time? :)

whodathunk

hee hee, feel it, duk duk. it’s like fine pooprinthian feather! 

yeppies, it is so ferocious and yet so soft, i cannot stop petting it either.  whodathunk that even tho santa did not deliver on all the things we asked for, he still gave us something he knew we would want. yeah, even though it would have taken a while to work,  i guess maybe it was too obvious to ask for a bag of potatoes and a pocket sized fog machine after all. o i know - maybe instead of the potatoes, we should have asked for a mixed basket of german and norwegian cheeses! hee hee, that way we could have eaten it and fogged it and foofied it! yeah that would have been pee-larious...

hey, u know, that is a very good question. let me ask her...

mom, i know we have not opened any more of the presents we got in the mail from our friends because we have family in town, but...do u think maybe if we promise to control ourselves this time and not chomp any more packages such that we cannot make out the return address on them..well, do u think maybe we can at least smell them? :)