call of duty

...so i would go like, rawwwwr!!! and that would be that really.  so next time we see a bunny, how bout we just let a ferocious wolf do his job, okay? :) 

yesterday good sigh

um, mom, just so u know, the whole not being insufferable all day was a yesterday mother’s day thing. today is a whole new normal day. and this wolf has plenty of catch up wolfing to do :) 

cotton mouth

the little dachshund sometimes wondered why would wake up thirsty, especially after the dreams where his mother gave him a delicious peanut butter filled kong toy. :)

the incredible bulk :)

mom, it does not matter if the tushie man said i should lose a pound. i promise u, u don’t want 2 see me when i am hangry. :) 

window wolfing

mom, if i promise to try and be 25 percent less insufferable, then do u think i can come back outside and, u know, hunt for bunnies while u garden? :) 

probably maybe

well, i was just wondering if maybe me and duk duk could skip school today and, u know, rawwwr around for bunnies. and then, maybe we can help figure out if we can offer the special top peecret u know whats that we finished forever ago in time for a mother’s day doot. like on, o, maybe on may 2nd?  :) 

smelling season

hee hee, um, nopies, mom, u can goto the store without me today. a wolf is busy. :) 

poop deck :)

well, dad, what i was stinking i mean thinking was, well, u see, at least in the navy, they don’t just call it a deck, really, do they? and, well, i know we are not in the navy or anything, but everything is better with poop on it, dontchoo think? :) 

poopsterity

sometimes the little dachshund wondered why when he woke up from his nap, he would see his mom and dad staring at him, smiling with camera in hand as though they had just taken his picture. maybe, he groggily surmised, he looked even more ferociouser when he slept, and mom and dad of course would need to capture such a sight for poopsterity. :) 

wabbit seasoning

hee hee mom, u totally should have come with me and dad on our walkies. i chased at least eleventy zillion rabbits :) 

in pursuit of poopiness

the little dachshund wasted no time in going back inside his house. it is not every day that things like this happen, thought the little dachshund with a sense of urgency reserved only for the utmost important of matters. i mean, practically anyone can poop a snakey, he thought as he raced to find his best toyfriend duk duk. and even i can poop a corkscrew now. but, to find a cube shaped poopie? in my own backyard??  with news so important, the little dachshund did not even notice the numerous empty bags of gummy worms that surrounded his best toyfriend when he finally found him. “duk duk! duk duk! code cube! code cube! grab your binoculars and get your fluffy butt outside. if we hurry we might can finally catch up with mister wombat and ask him how he makes it!” 

:) 

getting 2 know u

rawwwwr! rawwwwr! rawwwwwwr! o hang on..

(pfweeeeOooOoOoooOooooooOot!) 

heehee hee hee, hoo-whee! that scored a perfect eleventy on the sphincter scale if i do say so myself! not that i have to, now that our new squishee mallow friends are with us. why, i am certain they, too, will attest to the violently putrefactive and pungent, yet subtly sweet jelly bean scented aroma of an expertly generated - 

what??? u think THAT was uncouthy ?? no, i’ll show u guys uncouthy. duk duk, open the window and batten down the hatches because we are gonna make a foofie the likes of which only poops hulud has smel-

o, why, smello, mom. what did u say? what are we smelling, i mean doing ?? well, nothing really. i mean, me and duk duk were just playing quietly with our new squishee mallow friends. and, u know, normal stuff like that. is it time for lunchy lunch yet? :) 

touchdown

um, dad, i know i was being insufferable again, but do we really have to carry me like a football?  i mean, i feel like it really sends the wrong message. u know, like me being diminutive and adorable, instead of menacing and ferocious. :)

24 hours ago :)

whoa, duk duk! are u peeing what i am peeing??

like, seriously, the easter bunny left us all this??  how could he - i mean, seriously like i have been looking everywhere for Avery for your hatch day present. like, for forever now. so cool. tho i must admit, u r way ferociouser. o, and  happy hatch day by the way my friend, u get more and more ferocious every day. on and looky! and we even got a dexter, which totally makes sense because dragons are like the third most ferocious being, next to wolves and falcons. and there is no way anyone should make a wolf squishee on account of it being so ferocious that it would scare everyone in the store and well, u know, there would be a lot of “clean up aisle 7! “s going on.

hee hee, i guess we should not have been scaring the easter bunny away all these years after all.  but, u know, ferocious is as feroc - omg LOOK...

he left us a magic chicken that poops jelly beans!! 

hee hee, i guess technically we should be asking mom, but i am sure mom will not mind if we have a little beany bean nibble before brunchy brunch, dontchoo think, duk duk ? two for me and one 4 u :)

backyard concerto

mooom! i know u said i have to stay on the deck while u r busy planting stuff down there, but my glutey flute is playing a ridiculously peppy concerto right now and trust me, u do not want the finale to happen up here. :) 

forbidden snackie

what am i doing? um..nothing?...well, okay...i was just stinking, i mean thinking that what with your new summer shoes being leather,  and seeing as how they smell so delicious i mean how they look so plain, that maybe a wolf can help rawwr your new shoes up a little. u know, wolf style. with ferocious chomp marks, and gashes and, u know, rawwr stuff.  to complement the big shiny buckles, in a balanced rough meets refined sort of way.  it is a really genius idea, dontchoo stink? 

what?? mom. nopies?? but i know u got them off peebay so it is not like the end of the world if i chomped them, and they smell so delish-. fine... 

okay, how about i just chomp just this one so i can show u what it looks like? i promise u will not be disappointed. :) 

twenty zillion

moooom, while u r in the kitchen can u please bring me back a snackie? or two ? or twenty zillion?  :) 

dinosaur days

some days, when his mom would run errands and he would be left home with his dad, the little dachshund knew that his day would be boring . but sometimes on those days, the little dachshund knew that when his mom came back from the store and his pack was back together again, that those days could become the most interesting ever. :) 

how to make a floating plant swing

dear diary, 

it seems like my mom has a lot of plants now so yesterday i decided to help her make more  hanging plant swings and figured u might appreciate this more in depth tutorial in case u wanted to make one, too.  here is the finished product - the neon pothos on the left is in a plastic container we got from amazon, and the right hoya container is made using a metal pot from snobby bobby. both of these containers are great bc the plants can still be in pots that we can remove so they can be bottom watered. 

here are the hanging ingredients u need. u can get the fishing stuff from wally world or online or, u know, the fishing store. your container can be a bowl, a metal cache pot, or even a cookie tin like we posted some time ago on instygram and facebook. u can probably also use whatever size barrel snap swivel really. this size seemed really sturdy 

but the smaller ones are probably pretty sturdy too considering they have to help u haul in a fish. 

newsflash, everything turns out better when a wolf helps. even if it is keeping your mom’s lap warm. 

anyhoo, the first goal is to make the hanging holes in your pot. do not make the holes too deep otherwise the hooks on the leader line will not be able to close. about 1/8 inch down from the rim usually always works.

me and duk duk learned the hard way that u should really make the holes before u paint the pot. here we are using a rustoleum painters touch 2x ultra cover ultra matte white spray paint. also from wally world. 

once your paint is dry, it is time to attach the swing lines! because we used the barrel swivel in step 5, u will be able to turn your plant so that it can grow evenly in the sun. and get dizzy if u spin it fast enough. 

oh, sometimes a rim can be too fat for the hook to close securely. there are many things u could do to accommodate this, but this is what we did. 

so, really, that is it! and the best part about this project is, u can use the swings for more than just planty plants! like, u know, if say, u want to store some poopie snakes or hide some gummy worms high off the ground so your best falcon friend will not steal them. 

anyhoo, whether it is a plant swing for your favorite plant, or a nice long poopie snake, i hope u r inspired to make something this week! 

toodleydoo!

b. 

special delivery :)

hee hee, well, before we go walkies, do u think maybe we can stop by my friend zico’s house? i have, um, well i have something i need to drop off in his yard. if u know what i mean. :)