objects in roundey hole are much smaller than they appear :)

hee hee hee, mom, i know u bought this especially for them from the thrift store, and, i know they will enjoy it and all, but, are u sure we want to give this to the little misses? because, I mean, well, just look at how BIG I am I this thing!! :) :)

shorty pickins :)

hee hee, no mom.. (slurp slurp) .. i think.. (slurpy slurp).. those tomatoes .. (slurp slurp) .. disappeared.. (slurp slurp slurpy slurp) .. all by.. (slurp slurp) .. themselves! :) :)

yesterday was unicorn appreciation day :)

dear diary, 

yesterday was unicorn appreciation day. and today we are pooped. :)

toodleydoo! 

b.

dapper doxie dud: get me to the church on time

 Hello friends it's me, Baxter, your roving rover reporter! I'm reporting to you today about my friend Ted.  That's him, the black and tan on the right, only he is two years older now.  There are only so many pictures of him because he is a ranch dog, and ranch dogs, well they do not have a lot of time for pictures do they, what with the deer and the antelope to play with and the horse poop to roll in and, well, you get the idea. 

Anyhow, even though Ted has a super cool job already, he is going to have an even super cooler one to do this weekend, because he is going to be the ring bearer at his mom and dad's wedding!  Yeah, I know, it stinks that he will probably have to take a bath for it, but at least he will be walking down the aisle in style thanks to this dud my mom made for him, made from a subtle sandy colored checkered suiting woolen complete with super special little silvery buttons, a removable bowtie made from a vintage necktie, and two double welted teeny tiny ring pockets! I like the ring pockets because there are snaps inside so u know, important things do not fall out, and well, because there are two of them. Because, in a pinch, if during rehearsal he realizes the actual wedding might go long, he could plan ahead and stuff both rings in one pocket, and put some delicious jerky treats in the other. 

Anyhoo, I sure hope Ted and his family have a super super day come Saturday! Me, well, I've got a unicorn to appreciate super soon and I hope u do too because, heads up, Unicorn Appreciation Day is tomorrow, Tuesday, July 29th!! (I hope that's right - I do not have my calendar in front of me).  This is Baxter your roving reporter, wishing you the happiest of Mondays!  :)

fit to be spied

It always seems to me that little dachshunds are often left out in the cold when it comes to nicely fitted attire.  Something is always too short, too long, too small, too wide, too narrow, or too big.  And sleeves and shoulder lines are practically always a problem, so misplaced and often so big that our stubby legged little friends inevitably - albeit adorably - ensausage themselves.

The little gray hairs sprouting like weeds on tiny chumley's face told me it was time to tackle this Moby Dick of sewing challenges, and so the little kielbasa and I have spent the last two weeks reading and futzing drawing and cutting and sewing and seam ripping and cutting and sewing and seam ripping and, well you get the idea.   It's been a lot of work that has caused me to face many a sewing demon, but it has also been very rewarding in terms of developing my spatial thinking.  And of course, it has also been very rewarding for a happy go lucky, bottomless tummied little boy, who also has some rather grandiose ideas as to what his halloween costume will be this year.

shhh shhhh shushy shuush! mom, please do not say anything more. u never know if the stinky neighbor bassets might be listening with their big ol ears, and that would just spoil everything me and duk duk have already been working on!!  remember, u make the - u make the thing we talked about, and we will take care of the rest. now, shall we start on the back - um, part b?  :)

lesson of the day :)

The naughty puppy ignored his mother's call and dallied outside,

 barking at noises and sniffing at bugs,

 until finally the naughty puppy decided himself

 that he was ready

 to go back inside. 

"oh snap," the puppy cried while he stood at the door,

spying into the house, a tiny red tomato too delicious for words.

It was a treat for the little puppy, if only he had not wanted to play some more.

"surely there is a lesson, a lesson to be learned, 
something i should remember, in my memory to be burned ."

The puppy stood staring, his mind all a whirl,
until finally it hit him, like three kinds of butters...









 

"next time, silly puppy, bring glass cutters!"

 

while we are waiting for frenchy fries :)

blaaaarrrrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhhhghhhaaaaarrrggghggghghaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrgg...

...gggggllllarrrrrrrrggghhhhhhhhaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrgggggghhhaaarrrrrrrrrrrrllllhaaarrrrrghh...

...uurrrrrrhhhhaaaarrrrggggggggggllllhhhaaaaaaaaaaaarrgghhhhhhluuuurrrrrgggggllllrrrrrr...

okay dad, guess it. 

hee hee nope. a drooly stinky snorey basset sleeping on his back! your turn! :) :)

woke up this morning

Our free 30 day trial of Amazon Prime ends very soon, which I suppose bodes well for all of us couch potatoes, save for one little dachshund who perhaps has become a little too enamored of a certain family drama that he won't be able to finish.

but mom, it's like this.  u pay the annual fee, and me and duk duk will make sure it is worth your while, capoops?  no poop strings attached or nuttin.  how can it get better than that? now do we got a deal or what? :)

the poopzillapranos

okay, in u go, tiny godzilla, my friend!!

hee hee, now remember, the deal is, when duk duk comes home from swimmies camp today and tries steal my gummy worms like he has been doing EV-ery day this summer, u jump out and scare the living badookies out of him. like, full on busted. take a picture and everything. and skype me when the deed is done using the ipoop mini i gave u.  which u can use by the way while u r waiting cuz it'll be a few hours. but keep the volume down will ya because duk duk's got spidey senses like a hawk, you got it?

now, any questions before we close the drawer?

no way, really?? bad enough to make your paint peel off? surely u must be exagg-

(sniff sniff sniff)

ka-zowee!! i wonder why..oh that's right, this used to be the curing drawer for me and duk duk's pooperoni stand.  which would have been a total success if the stink didn't get so bad that mom found out and made us take it all outside. and then of course it just had to rain and all our work went straight down the - 

 

okay okay, simmer down. u can have an extra kibble for the smell but u better get the job done and done right, capoops?

oh hello mom... how long have u been, oh u know, standing there?? :)

i can do anything :)

The unbridled optimism that every doxie seems to possess is one of the many traits that I find endearing.  Although their extruded little bodies and shortened stubby legs often leave them challenged under circumstances which would otherwise be easy for dogs of normal stature, our tiny wolves persist, resourcefully finding ways to get the job done as only a dachshund can.  Particularly, I suppose, when it comes to matters of filling their happy little rumbly tummies.

hee hee, mom, no need to check on me.  i was just going to, well, i was just going to u know..okay, well, mom, did u forget to give me this snackie because i smelled it all the way over from there and i saw that u were busy and i thought, well, rather than bothering u...well, i just thought i could, u know, parkour over and help myself.  :)

ridgeback

dear diary,
legend has it that i and others of my sausagey kind are of german descent,  but personally, i think i am at least part rhodesian. and direwolf. definitely ferocious land protecting direwolf.

toodleydoo!
b :)

nubbly nub nub

well dad, while I have got u here, and,  since I have been a good boy and all with my nails n everything, well, man to wolf, do u think me and duk duk could try learn 2 grill a steak with u this weekend? it is item number threeventy twelve on our list of #madskills we want to learn this summer. :)

booster seat please :) :)

I know there is an air of spoiled dachshund whenever people see the little kielbasa settled into his own blankie covered chair whenever we take him to lunch with us, but there is indeed a very practical side to this arrangement of cuteness.  Perched high enough for waiters and waitresses to coo at him, when he is in his own chair, he is also too high up to be hoovering up Cheerios and floor crumbs and ketchup spills, and he is too high up to be bothered by other dogs and their curious noses.  Which isn't to say he might still feel tempted to bark at them, but at least he is within easy reach to distract and refocus, so that the zen of lunch for everyone can be quickly restored.

There is hardly a downside at all for our little lunchtime chair arrangement, save for the times when it seems that our chairs are a little too short or the tables too tall, and some puppy is left adorably staring into granite. 

um, mom, can u please let me know when the waitress lady brings me my donut? :)  

happy dependence day

....now now now now now...take us take us take us to the candy store right nowwwww!

(crickets)

pleeeeeeeaaase? :)

two dollars and five cents :)

well, mom, if u let us borrow all of it,  with July fourth coming up and all,  well, me and duk duk thought we might could buy the super mega blast blammo rainbow firecracker dragon explosion expansion pack with bonus bottle rocket defender p-52 flash candles that we saw in the big white tent in the parking lot at Wally World. oh, and we could buy a box of sparklers, and a box of snap n pops, and maybe some silly streamers and skippy jacks too :)

seventh day

 

...and 

on the seventh day

 it rained 

snackies

 from heaven.

 :)

dapper doxie duds: the lion poops tonight

 do not worry mom, me and duk duk have got this so please, feel free to go outside and help henry gumption with all the yard work that still needs to be done. and, i bet u we will be done sooner than u can say peter pooper pooped a pile of poopy poopers! 

okay i love u too, bye mom. 

hee hee, my puppy friend frankie junior sure is tiny. i hope i can get this thing to stay on for more than just a few...

 

hwuuuuuuuuuuup! okay duk duk - hurry and take the picture before it..

(kasproingggg!)

 




..pops open. hee hee, oh well, i guess i am too big to fit frankie's super cool dud. now we will have to go to plan b.

(shuffle shuffle, shuffle shuffle, fweep foo fwobble!)






















beedy beedy beedy. i. am. frankie.  junior... puppy. robot. lion... take. me. to. your. pooper... beedy beedy beedy...duk. duk. i. think. we. are. done. here...beedy beedy beedy...how. about. we. play. another. game. now...beedy beedy beedy.

 

hee hee, last one to the creek is a rotten poopie snake! :) 

me, as tall as a labrador

wow duk duk, u r so right. I could totally see the bunnies better if I were as tall as a Labrador pooptriever! :)

my snackie shelf :)

how long do I plan on sitting here by the window watching out for kitties in our backyard? oh, I dunno. more than a little while I guess. why do u ask, mom? :)

still life

Sometimes there isn't much for a little kitty poop eating dachshund to do when he isn't allowed to roam unsupervised in his backyard while his mom and friend Henry Gumption do yard work on a hot hot day. And so he sleeps his afternoon peacefully away in breezy air conditioned comfort, til finally it is time for everyone to come back inside, and his happy little pack is whole again. :)