prbo:)

hee hee, um, well, mom, i was stinking i mean thinking that you and dad could sleep in the other bedroom, and me and duk duk would set up our mid summer’s foofie night party in your bedroom, and voila, it’s a vacation for everyone :) 

u know who

(pant pant pant pant)

(pant pant pant slobber slobber dopey pant pant pant) 

see, mom? it is not just the cooties, it is the entire package. that is why she has 2 stay over there and i stay over here. okay? okay.  no more sniffs, pants, or butts. 

potluck :)

hee hee hee, um, mom, u might want to stay outside a little longer. me and duk duk opened all the windows up here but i stink i mean think it will take a while before yesterday’s cheesy bean chili stops turning into today’s pooty mc flooty tooties :) 

magnum poop eye :)

mom, i am telling u, i totally smell it. someone pooped right here. in  the  street. i mean, there is perfectly good grass right over there, so why would anyone do that?? not only does pooping on a hard surface increase the potential for shape distortion, but i believe it also indicates our mystery pooper exhibits poopiopathic tendencies. this pooper is reckless, or cold and calculating. or maybe both…

happy farter’s day

hee hee, um, mom, u might want to leave the room soon because after me and dad finish our nap, this room is gonna get smelly :) 

goopy goop :)

the little dachshund gleefully told his mom as he turned around, “sure i can twirly twirl my tail like a piggy pig pig. see?”  but just as his mom’s eyes started to focus on the magnificent twirling of his tail, a giant foofie cloud burst from his tiny tushie, enveloping his mother in a soup of noxious gases, and rendering his mother unconscious. “hee hee, whoopsie,” the little dachshund said out loud before remembering his mother would not hear it. well, he thought to himself as he sniffed abd analyzed the air. based on how smelly my foofie was, mom will be out for at least an hour. maybe now might be a good time to try making lemony basil goopy goop cuppycakes for me and duk duk’s tgidiscofriday party tonitey nite! :) 

pantsy

sheesh, come on, dad. if u want to chat with cassie’s mom, can’t u just text her like a normal person? walkies are for walkies, not talkies. cantchoo see how dangerous this situation is?? i mean, any second now, cassie could realize i am here and she could take a turn and  - 

… pant cooties all over me. aw great. now i need a level eleventy two decontamination bath. 

mirror mirror :)

hee hee, mirror mirror on the wall, who is the ferociousest one of all?………. i said, mirror mirror on the wall, who is the ferociousest one of all???

hmm, is this thing even on? :) 

thung hout thwhythay :)

 hwuth hthink thung, hom? :) 

watermelon wednesdays

the little dachshund wiggled with glee. even though i have been out of school for over a week now, he thought to himself, summer vacation does not really start until i get to chomp my first chomp of delicious watermelon. :) 

wet :)

but, mom, why shouldn’t chasing bunnies in the rain count as taking a bath?? we ran thru the stinky purple flower lavender and everything. :) 

tgidiscofriday:)

the little dachshund quietly slept in the sun, dreaming of chasing bunnies and recharging his batteries for disco party later that night. :) 

hypothesis

um, nopies, mom, i have no idea why the kitchen floor is all sticky with honey i mean some unknown gooey substance. maybe some bees broke in, made some sandwiches for their friends, and had a party last nitey nite? i mean, it is just a guess and all, because me and duk duk are such sound sleepers really. :)

noon time in the garden of smelly and ferocious:)

hee hee, hurry, dad! we do not have much time before duk duk will get sospechoso and start looking for me! 

hee hee hee, totally worth saving all those gummy worms!  

okay, now remember, mom, when i say go, u text duk duk and tell him to drop everything and come out back for a code brown beta tango emergency. and then, just as he gets all oooo and ahhhy over his statue and before he passes out, take the picture. or actually, maybe go ahead and just do the whole thing on video. okay? okay. now hang on a second while i hold my breath and ...

 (pfeweeOooOoooooOooooot!) 

... okay, go! :)

strawberry season :)

the little dachshund stared into the big blue planter, his nose twitching with glee. hee hee, just two hours, twenty three minutes, and seven more seconds until our first strawberries of the season are ready to chomp! his experienced little nose told him. some delicious things, the little dachshund knew, were worth the patience of waiting. :) 

sunday hurl

okay, okay, mom. i totally promise me and duk duk will clean up our mess but let me just see who is at the back door because i specifically stated in the delivery instructions that the special uknowwhat me and duk duk ordered be delivered in back so that no buddy will know and that way we can have it all to ourselves and not have to share with - 

aw great. 

sorry nopies wrong house AGAIN, cassie. sheesh what a maroon! cantchoo even tell your smelly backyard from mine? i mean seriously, your poops are like, shapeless, unsophisticated, boulders. they are so lazy, they’re practically a crime against poopmanity.  hee hee, why they’re so awful, even i would show u how to make them better but it’s too bad u can’t st- 

what?? mom! what do u mean invited her to brunchy brunch??? 

4 minus 1 = more 4 me :)

the little dachshund paused in his tracks, his ferocious ears now alerting him to conditions that caused him to consider a change in his evening plans. sneaking up and pounding duk duk while he takes his evening bubble bath would certainly be fun, he thought to himself, but there can only be one thing making

the sound i am hearing, and popcorn for three is much more delicious than popcorn for four. :) 

warp speed

mom, seriously, if u are not going to put the pedal to the metal then can u at least pull over and let me drive?  :) 

blurry monday

Socks were one of the first forms of snackie currency here in tiny chumley’s little world. Back when stairs were something to be raced down, back when a certain little someone’s sausagey body was made of rubber and flubber, we walkied every day, if not even twice a day. And it always started with me, pulling out a pair of socks, and handing them to a very happy boy who would chomp them then race ahead of me, confident in knowing that not only were walkies forthcoming after i put them on, but that a snackie payment in full would be made in exchange for a slobbery wet pair of expertly delivered socks.  

Over the years, for a multitude of reasons, our habits have changed. But one thing will always remain certain. No matter how he delivers them, no matter if we end up going for a walkie or just stay downstairs, successfully delivery of socks will always mean snackies for a certain happy little sausagey boy. And that, my friends, is everything  :) 

bark-1-1

well, mom, i think it should be obvious, but clearly the barkmergency involves two very empty things. one of them being my food bowl, and the other my tummy. :)