wolf island

dear diary,
earlier this week, mom and dad took me to the beach, and needless to say we all had a lot of fun.  it was mostly a delicious eating trip, but we also got some quality beach time walkies in and it is very amazing what a difference a day makes. in fact, i wish duk duk could have come with us instead of choosing to go with chocobot and lulu the tiger and lil pink puppy to the land of make believe (which is very real than u very much, but not very accommodating to ferocious wolves because, well u know, ferocious. plus really where can u hide from a ferocious wolf when all the castles and forts and even the best hiding places are made of edible pink sparklepuff?).  anyhow, like i was saying i wish duk duk could have come with us as i am pretty certain we could have gotten him to fly on the second day we were there on account of the hurricane coming even though it was still pretty far off. plus parking was free because all the meters were wrapped up, so we could have stayed as long as we wanted to.

but even without duk duk and even with the hurricane coming, the beach was still a very nice place to visit and walk on because all that salty air can really clear a wolf's head and help him think and stink.

so, even though our stay at the beach was very brief, all in all we had a very lovely time. in fact, there is pretty much only one thing i wish could be just a little different, if only for just like, oh, thirty seven seconds...

hee hee, okay so i will probably be posting more about my visit on instagram and facebook later because now me and duk duk have to study for the test we have in ten minutes. i hope u have a wonderful day, diary.

toodleydoo,
b. :)

agent brown

and so i was like, "heck no, mom, it's a trap. i'll stay right here with u and dad, thank u very much."

what's that, lulu the tiger? it's okay, yeah, u guys can come closer and look.  and smell if u want. it does not really hurt anymore. lessee, where was i?

 








...oh,  so even though i turned my electromagnets on, the special doctor tushie man still managed to take me to the back, right? and that's where i see it. but nobuddy else does and i'm like, "uh, hello, anybuddy else see the multimaster robot megamonster of doom and destruction? anybuddy??" nopies.  crickets. and a bunch of big noisy dopey dogs being dopey and a cat. well i think it was a cat. i never saw it, only smelled it.  but i am pretty sure it was a cat cuz it smelled like cheezy fish breath and raspberry lip gloss from all the kissy kissies they get on their head.



















anyhow, so i'm thinking, great, surrounded by dopey big dogs who are too dopey to do anything, and me without our emergency backpack. u know the one, that we packed with our mini travel trebuchet and my long bow and at least three different types of light sabers plus enough ammo and arrows and dragon glass to fight off at least two hoards of zombies and seven battalions of white walkers and orcs.  and probably one multimaster robomegamonster of doom and destruction probably, but i will never know because mom would not let me bring it. "too heavy for my back," she said...

..which makes me wonder... maybe next time, well if there is a next time i go to the special doctor mister tushie man because he did say i seem to be doing well enough that we could delay my MRI at least until we see what happens next time i have an incident...so, maybe next time i have to see him, which hopefully is maybe like, never from now, well hopefully maybe mom will let me bring my weapons backpack if we tie it to the hood of the pedal car and then we tie the pedal car to mom's car so we can tow it... 


























what's that chocobot?  oh yes, right. so, at that point i'm like, "sheesh, swell mom.  dragged back here and left on my own, staring into the face of the multimaster robot megamonster of doom and destruction.  swell.  thanks for making me leave all my weapons at home, mom and dad. thanks a lot. "

and then, before i could even think another word, the multimaster robot megamonster of doom and destruction shot at me with his inviso ray eyes, then it poked me with a needle. not once but twice and it even drew blood! by that point i only had my wolfy instincts to rely on, but the robot was so close and angled in such a way that i knew my ferocious fangs were not really going to be very effective.  so i did it.   i was really hoping to save it too because i could feel it was going to be a doozy, but i had to do it. there was nothing else left i could do.  i released the agent brown...if u know what i mean. 

yeah, lil pink puppy.  the robot pretty much dissolved immediately really.  then the techs came back and found me they were like, "yo dude what's that smell and what happened 2 you, ferocious wolf? " and i just said, "u would not believe me if i tried, my friend." so they wrapped me up and took me back out to mom and dad  and we went home and here i am. 

well, hee hee, okay, they also gave me the picture the robot took of me before agent brown came to town, if u know what i mean. i cannot wait to show u guys. let me get it and i will tell u what else the special doctor mister tushie man told me... (to be continued :) )

agent brown part one

and so i was like, "heck no, mom, it's a trap. i'll stay right here with u and dad, thank u very much."

what's that, lulu the tiger? it's okay, yeah, u guys can come closer and look.  and smell if u want. it does not really hurt anymore. lessee, where was i?

 








...oh,  so even though i turned my electromagnets on, the special doctor tushie man still managed to take me to the back, right? and that's where i see it. but nobuddy else does and i'm like, "uh, hello, anybuddy else see the multimaster robot megamonster of doom and destruction? anybuddy??" nopies.  crickets. and a bunch of big noisy dopey dogs being dopey and a cat. well i think it was a cat. i never saw it, only smelled it.  but i am pretty sure it was a cat cuz it smelled like cheezy fish breath and raspberry lip gloss from all the kissy kissies they get on their head.



















anyhow, so i'm thinking, great, surrounded by dopey big dogs who are too dopey to do anything, and me without our emergency backpack. u know the one, that we packed with our mini travel trebuchet and my long bow and at least three different types of light sabers plus enough ammo and arrows and dragon glass to fight off at least two hoards of zombies and seven battalions of white walkers and orcs.  and probably one multimaster robomegamonster of doom and destruction probably, but i will never know because mom would not let me bring it. "too heavy for my back," she said...

..which makes me wonder... maybe next time, well if there is a next time i go to the special doctor mister tushie man because he did say i seem to be doing well enough that we could delay my MRI at least until we see what happens next time i have an incident...so, maybe next time i have to see him, which hopefully is maybe like, never from now, well hopefully maybe mom will let me bring my weapons backpack if we tie it to the hood of the pedal car and then we tie the pedal car to mom's car so we can tow it... 


























what's that chocobot?  oh yes, right. so, at that point i'm like, "sheesh, swell mom.  dragged back here and left on my own, staring into the face of the multimaster robot megamonster of doom and destruction.  swell.  thanks for making me leave all my weapons at home, mom and dad. thanks a lot. "

and then, before i could even think another word, the multimaster robot megamonster of doom and destruction shot at me with his inviso ray eyes, then it poked me with a needle. not once but twice and it even drew blood! by that point i only had my wolfy instincts to rely on, but the robot was so close and angled in such a way that i knew my ferocious fangs were not really going to be very effective.  so i did it.   i was really hoping to save it too because i could feel it was going to be a doozy, but i had to do it. there was nothing else left i could do.  i released the agent brown...if u know what i mean. 

yeah, lil pink puppy.  the robot pretty much dissolved immediately really.  then the techs came back and found me they were like, "yo dude what's that smell and what happened 2 you, ferocious wolf? " and i just said, "u would not believe me if i tried, my friend." so they wrapped me up and took me back out to mom and dad  and we went home and here i am. 

well, hee hee, okay, they also gave me the picture the robot took of me before agent brown came to town, if u know what i mean. i cannot wait to show u guys. let me get it and i will tell u what else the special doctor mister tushie man told me... (to be continued :) )

double plus good :)

hee hee okay mom, I double ferocious paw swear on it. except maybe on holidays in which case we will arrange for chocobot or lulu the tiger to feed it. now can me and duk duk have a #LobsterCar? 

#trueWolfStories part 2 (guts and glory)

 




...so i'm like "hrop thith one thoo?? dhad, you're kiddingh hme. the whole reathon hwhy hwe hwent thlooking hin hower backhyard hwas hthoo theck and hthee if there were henny more. i caughth hit hfair andh thquare." 













 

then the hungry wolf in me decided, "hnope. hnope. hnoth afther hlast thime no thirree. hnot gonna hrop it. hen-oh-capithal peeth."
































it seemed like things were going nowhere, but then i had an idea. "hey hmom, hdo u hrememberr hwhat hwe talkedth habout hearlier? hafter the hfirth bunny? hif u hlet me do hthat hthen i hwill hrop it.  do hew haff a hdeal?"


"i hthaid, do hwe haff a hdeal?"

yesssss!

and that, my friends, ends the reenactment portion of our #trueWolfStories for today. thank u anton the little lion for volunteering to play the role of bunny numero dos. 

now duk duk, if you would pull the blinds so we can start the video portion of our - what's that, lil pink puppy? oh yeppies the second bunny i caught was like a whole week older so naturally it was bigger, just like anton here. it was probably my biggest catch to date as a wolf, really. i know, so impressive, right?  and, yeppies it hopped away, back into the periwinkle patch where i cannot tinkle in for the next few weeks because mom says they need to get bigger and smarter.   any more questions?

well, lulu the tiger, u see, me and duk duk pretty much knew mom would never let us record and post what we really would want to if i ever caught a bunny and gave it the real wolf treatment, so we came up with a discreet but awesome design we could use to post a picture of my wolfy success facebook and instagram, and we came up with a plan on how we could make a video that would pretty much capture the essence of what we know would happen when a wolf uknowhats a bunny, without it, being, well u know, too #rawwwry. so mom agreed to let us do all that. speaking of which, without further ado, please now enjoy the video portion of our #trueWolfStories.  Ladies and gentlewolves, me and duk duk present to u, guts and glory. :)

curiouser and curiouser (part 2): he knows

"he's making a list, and checking it twice! gonna find out who's naughty or nice, santa claus is - " okay great job stamping it lulu the tiger,  now lemme sign it.. your friend, Baxter.  " - coming, 2 town!" okay that's another card finished. next!! oh wait, u are right we need to put a stamp on it. lil pink puppy, it's your turn. hee hee, boy i thought mom making us do our own christmas cards this year would really stink but actually with us splitting up the work, it's been really fun, hasn't it?  

now where was i in our song? o i know.."he knows when you've been pooping, he knows when you're a- "

hee hee, oo very nice postage stamp placement, lil pink puppy. keep this up and soon u can help me and duk duk help mom with packing etsy orders. okay,  let's start a new postcard.  duk duk, batter up...

"he knows when you've been pooping, he knows when you're awake, he knows when you've been bad or good..." wait, that can't be right? 

 "he knows when you've been pooping, he knows when you're awake, he knows if you've been bad or good..."
 
 sheesh, duk duk, santa sure seems 2 really know a lot about what we are doing whether we want him 2 or not.  i wonder how he knows and if he has ever been charged with invasion of privacy...

call of dooty

Tiny chumley is rapidly becoming the old gent of our neighborhood, surrounded by big, rambunctious yearling pups full of youthful - and perhaps what he likes least -  unpredictable exuberance.  The kind of exuberance that can accidentally bonk the head of an unsuspecting little wolf, or roll his sausagey body in the grass, like a tumbleweed in the wind.

There was a time not so long ago when Baxter was the dopey yearling who needed to be taught lessons on boundaries and place by the likes of Lulu and others in her generation. Now, with little white hairs migrating to his paws and slowly turning them into little white socks, it is his turn to become the teacher and pass along that knowledge.   But it is a job I know he would rather leave for another day. :)


uh, nopies mom, we do not need 2 go for walkies with either cassie or that dopey labradoodlepoodle roscoe from across the street.  besides, don't we have 2 get ready for tonitey nite's #tgidiscoFriday 11 PM EST teeny tiny doxie treasure box doot? we posted a picture of the litter and everything already. :)






 

happy hello ween :)

well, i know sewing pleather and sewing tiny are really difficult, mom, but i am really disappointed. because yesterday u said that they were all done, which i took 2 mean obviously that they were ALL done, including chocobot's and lulu the tiger's and lil pink puppy's costumes, because basically they are just the same as mine, only different shaped and sized. i even had your status down as green in our project master file report as little as three hours ago.but  now here are at t minus twenty4 hours about to start our dry run with the little misses, and Project OompaWonkaWinked is totally in deep poopies. which, on any other day would be just fine because, well, u know, poopies.  but we are talking candy here, mom, candy, and the one opportunity a year to get lots of it for free. 

okay, so, our scientifically optimized trick or treat schedule requires us to be at house number one by five pm, so with travel and snackie time, plus a little foofie factor thrown in for good measure, the new and final costume dropsqueak deadline is three pm.

well, we've got a dry run and u have work to do, so i won't keep u any longer, mom. and i would like to thank u for your time and contribution to Project OoompaWonkaWinked thus far.  bye mom, we'll see u after the dry run.

 




hee hee, finally, a use for all that mumbo jumbo speak i always hear dad using on his work calls.  u don't think i was too hard on her, do u, duk duk?  yeah, u r right, there is no room for babies in project OWW.

okay, so, when we go to the little misses house, remember, duk duk, since u won the guess whose foofie game, u are U Know Who.  and that means u have to do all the talking - candy recall, effective immediately, but this time instead of blueberries, it turns people into falcons, or wolves, or tigers, yadda yadda yadda.  u can improvise a little to keep it from sounding too scripted, but stay in character and remember to work with what we have. main message is, candy defective, sincere apologies, we are here to take it back 4 u and my very cute and diminutive u know whats will gladly help u.  what u say will be very important because i think on my own people will look at me and be like, who's the witch wearing the shiny hurricanes onesie? (siri, research note to self: does tim burton like hockey?)

now, the plan is for the rest of us to be quiet and just collect the candy, but if prompted, we have 2 be ready to sing and dance.  lulu the tiger and chocobot, have u both been eating chocobot's special glitter this week and practicing the helium foofie?  good. 

 well, alrighty then, i think we're ready to start this dry run.  all together on three.  one. two. three...

good morning starshine, the earth says hello! :)

 

 

just another makey Monday :)

hee hee okay mom u can take pictures but keep them fuzzy because our Halloween costumes are top secret and even though this is just a fit model based on the pattern u drew up from scratch, u just never know who might put 2 and 2 together and that would b a total disaster. and 2 answer your question, I agree it is a little bunchy and baggy back there even 4 me. I cannot imagine what it would feel like now if zorro never visited me when I was a puppy and he never took away my u know whats. I do not even like it when I poop a Loki.

oh yes, totally take it in. that feels much better. what's that? o, well , u know how when u accidentally eat a toyfriend thread, and u do not know u ate a toyfriend thread til, u know, it comes out, but it always comes out last and it keeps all the u know what that came out first just hanging around? and no matter how hard u try to get rid of the u know what that's hanging from your butt it just keeps hanging around? well a pooping a Loki is that. because no matter how hard u try to get rid of the real Loki , he just keeps hanging around. it happened in Thor one and it happened in Thor two and it even happened in avengers 1, remember?

and pretty much the only person who can really get rid of Loki is Thor, which is why sometimes from the backyard when dad takes me out for u know what, u might hear me asking dad to Thor me, which now u know would be for obvious reasons. 

yep, I'm pretty happy with the range of motion and the leg length is pretty good too. but I feel like the tail hole should be moved up and if we are going to do that then maybe we can also make the legscye a little bigger just to, u know, optimize things?  if u draw it with a sharpie I can tell u if it is right or not.

yeppies like that. oh snap it is almost time for me and duk duk and chocobot and lulu the tiger and lil pink puppy to pedal to school! I sure hope duk duk remembered to pack the trebuchet today. lemme get off the table and round everybuddy up..

o and mom, do not forget to take the fuzzy filter off the iPhoney and text me during study hall if u have any measurement questions :)

bandanarama

 

 

 

(sniff sniff) hee hee hee (sniff sniff) - o boy that was a doozy! 

 

okay, i'm gonna say chocobot because it smells like doughnuts mixed with destiny. am i right?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

yessssssss! okay everybuddy, keep or put your mask on cuz it's chocobot's turn to guess next. (fumble fumble fumble)

 

oh wait, go hide everybuddy, i think i hear mom coming...

 

 

 

why hello mother. it is so nice 2 see u. no, i have not seen duk duk or chocobot or lulu the tiger or lil pink puppy. in fact, i have been working my homework just like u asked me to do an hour ago.i have already outlined three essays in my head and duk duk was going to help me write it all - wait, what was that? why am i wearing what, mom? :)

another brick in the wall

...hee hee, and last but not least, the u know what for the u know what so we can u know what!

boy, i sure thought it would stink that mom is making us make our own lunchy lunches this year for school, but, i think it is going to turn out quite nice, dontchoo think, everybuddy? 

i mean, we have so many good ideas, the hardest part was figuring out what not to pack for our first day of school, really. 

I sure hope we packed enough peanut butter and smelly jelly cuz once everybuddy sees how the u know what u know whats the U know whatter, they are all gonna want one. ooh - how are we doing on time? 

okay, duk duk and lil pink puppy, u guys keep working on getting our lunchy lunch box 2 shut,  and I will get out of my jammies and fire up the pedal car while chocobot and lulu the tiger get our backpacks and tell mom we are on our way :)

happy mother's day :)

hee hee, to all the moms in this world
and for all u do,  me and duk duk just want 2 say....

...this lick's 4 u!

 happy mother's day!! love, baxter and duk duk and chocobot and lulu the tiger and lil pink puppy :)

operation sick day

hee hee yeah I think it will work, too, duk duk. thanks for taking a hit for the team. we are going 2 have so much fun today.  oo, wait, I think I hear her coming! go tell everybuddy operation sick day has commenced! 

um, hi mom. I do not feel very good today. my throat is all scratchy and my mouth feels all foamy, and, well, for all I know I could have rabies or something and I certainly would not want 2 infect anybuddy else at school. so I guess this means me, and duk duk and chocobot and lulu the tiger and lil pink puppy should all stay home, dontchoo think?....(blink blink)....

did I forget to mention how foamy my mouth feels? :) 

meet me at the end of the nile

 
sigh. well, duk duk, i guess we better tell chocobot n lulu the tiger n lil pink puppy 2 get ready. today is going 2 be another school day after all. 
 

a dog and a duk walk into their school to hand out their homemade valentines...

 

hee hee, it sure was a good idea to make our own valentines this year, dontchoo think, duk duk?








 

i mean, sure it took us a lot of time to  think of what to say,  and then it took us forever to design them on the computer...

and here it is early friday morning and we are still trying to finish them up. but  a) everybuddy's who's anybuddy's bound to agree they're comedy gold, b) this year at school, we can finally give something back to all the mushy cootie contaminated girls at school, and c) we can also remind said girls about what is most important about valentine's day too.  espcially since mom will not let us bring our cootie fallout shelter 2 school. it's a win win win really, dontchoo think, duk duk?












 and,  what with us using all the right pleases and thank yous and all, well, surely we will not get in trouble with teacher for handing them out. if there is anything at all i have learned from watching house of cards, it's that manners are everything when u have something important 2 say.  anyhow, i think this was the last valentiney to cut so..

duk duk, u finish punching all the lacy stuff around the edges...

and i will start coloring all the... oh snap, is that the time i think it is? quick u get everything together and tell chocobot n lulu the tiger n lil pink puppy to be ready in three and i will....moooooooooom!

mom, sorry 2 use my outside voice but may we please have a ride to school today so we can finish our valentineys in the car?  :) :)