a dog and a duk walk into their school to hand out their homemade valentines...

 

hee hee, it sure was a good idea to make our own valentines this year, dontchoo think, duk duk?








 

i mean, sure it took us a lot of time to  think of what to say,  and then it took us forever to design them on the computer...

and here it is early friday morning and we are still trying to finish them up. but  a) everybuddy's who's anybuddy's bound to agree they're comedy gold, b) this year at school, we can finally give something back to all the mushy cootie contaminated girls at school, and c) we can also remind said girls about what is most important about valentine's day too.  espcially since mom will not let us bring our cootie fallout shelter 2 school. it's a win win win really, dontchoo think, duk duk?












 and,  what with us using all the right pleases and thank yous and all, well, surely we will not get in trouble with teacher for handing them out. if there is anything at all i have learned from watching house of cards, it's that manners are everything when u have something important 2 say.  anyhow, i think this was the last valentiney to cut so..

duk duk, u finish punching all the lacy stuff around the edges...

and i will start coloring all the... oh snap, is that the time i think it is? quick u get everything together and tell chocobot n lulu the tiger n lil pink puppy to be ready in three and i will....moooooooooom!

mom, sorry 2 use my outside voice but may we please have a ride to school today so we can finish our valentineys in the car?  :) :)

     

winter has come

dear diary,

sometimes I think it would be nice if me and duk duk were bears so we could hibernate all winter. and that is pretty much all I have to say about yesterday, because it was very very cold. and all we did was pretend to be hibernating bears.

toodleydoo,

b. :)

the owling :)

hee hee, finally mom and henry gumption are done with the owl mask they are making for auntie robin! i am sure she will not mind if i borrow it for a little while.  christmas is like, forever from now.

now, if only i can figure out how to get this orange stool out of my...

(oof! shuffle shuffle)
































...way!  hee hee, wait'll duk duk comes home and gets a load of me.   

wooty hoo, wooty hoo! 

 yep, he's gonna be so scared, i bet he upchucks all his gummy worms and his monkey chow chili.  

yep, yessiree, and no complications with santa at all because this is payback for what he did to me last week. well, payback times ten because duk duk is to owls like i am to stinky big dogs.  scare-reee!

yep, yessiree, any minute now, when duk duk comes home from his fowl and feathers club..no wait, that was yesterday. when duk duk comes home from his little swimmers..no, wait..duk duk..o snap, he  went to the lake today to visit his grandma, didn't he? sheesh, he will be there all day!...







hee hee, only seven more hours til duk duk comes home and he gets the bejeebies scared out of him! wooty hoo! wooty hoo!! :) :)

i doot the robot dachshund cutetastic :)

okay mom, we will, but can u please let us say goodbye to them first? i promise it will not take long.  

well tiny shiny representatives of our second litter of tiny robot dachshund christmas ornaments, me and duk duk just wanted to say even though we have burned the midnight poopie oil for many nights now making you, it has been a pleasure and an honor bringing you into this world so that you may bring happiness and joy hanging on the christmas trees of your new families.  and, seeing as how our time left together is very short since we will be putting you up for adoption at NOON EST today in our mom's etsy shop, me and duk duk wanted to invite the entire litter to our very special christmas party in our heat cave, where the super special disco robot dachshunds, who will also be up for adoption, are already decorating and preparing for the big send off event! ready..set...run!! :) :)

 (ps - have a great wooty weekend my friends and hope to smell u at noon today in my mom's etsy shop!! :) :) )

.

now doot this! our first etsy book and a peek u know what :)

Hello my friends, it's me, Baxter, your roving rover reporter, happy to report to you today about half of our Etsy Christmas Wooty Project that me and duk duk have been working on for a very long time.  That's right, we wrote a teeny tiny Christmas story and turned it into a teeny tiny book! It's so tiny that you can pretty much read it in less than five minutes. You know, the length that all good books should be. Because, well, as u might be able to tell from our grades in reading this year, who has time to really read any more than that?

Anyhoo, are you ready for the great unveiling because drumroll please...











 Ta-daah! Just in time for the holidays and available now for a limited time only in my mom's Etsy shop, introducing me and duk duk's first ever book that is sure to become a treasured stinky holiday classic, ladies and gentlemen I give you, The Poop on the Stoop!!

 
Hee hee, yeah I know, it is so cool, right?  And yes, my friends, it is so tiny that you can hold and read it with just one paw.  Although since my legs are so short, I prefer using two paws, just so I do not accidentally roll myself.

Speaking of rolling, I had a wonderful time playing with my puppy Hank yesterday, which kind of explains why the second half of me and duk duk's Etsy Christmas Wooty Project is not ready today. But do not worry, if the sun comes out on Tuesday like the weather man thinks it will, then we can finish taking pictures and work on our Etsy listings so that our christmas ornaments will be in the shop on Tuesday or Wednesday night.  And as you might have already guessed, although there will be more couthy options available, me and duk duk made a very very special ornament to go with our story, which I will give you a tiny peek at here now.  I hope u saved room on your tree. :)


This is Baxter your roving rover reporter, tiny book author and ornament designer, wishing you a very merry Monday!

the little lady, part two :)

okay duk duk, u get our test kibble and i will come back around to turn the dial.

mmmm, warm kibble. hee hee i cannot wait!

 

doo bee doo doo, doo be do, doo bee doo doo doop be doo doo doo doo...

yeah i think u r right duk duk, we should probably stir it.

hee, why, i do not mind if i do do doodley do! oh duk duk, this warm kibble is fantastic.  do not tell the sales lady but i think we should totally give her ten bags of gummy worms for it , maybe twen - say what? oh smap! quick, u hide the kibble and i will unplug the stove. and remember, do not act too interested and let me do all the talking.  and whatever u do, do not make me laugh.  okay, time to put on my poker face!

 miss, this stove stinks and not in a good way. and, seeing as how it was probably previously owned by a girl, my friend here and i are very concerned about cooties and the costs to decontaminate it.  we can offer you five bags of gummy worms and not a gummy more.

 

 

the little lady, part one

 















 



no duk duk, you're gonna break the door!! move it! i can do it, i promise.

"works, burners get warm" see i told you i could read it without my glasses.

hee hee, and mega WOOTY! duk duk u r so right. this would be perfect! we could make hot monkey chow cider, chunky chicken water,  poopcorn, baked gummy worm alaska, monkey chow krispie treats, monkey chow pancakes, monkey chow fried rice, monkey chow chowder, monkey chow chili, monkey chow chicken chower, monkey chow lasagna, monkey chow kiev, cream of monkey chow and who knows what else. without even leaving the cozy comfort of our heat cave.

hey, before the saleslady back, let's plug it in and see how hot it gets!

hmmmm, okay is this the cord we want? or is it this thingy by the exhausty pipe with the metal whatchamajiggy and the two prong pokey things?  hmmmmmmm....

(to be continued..)

chunky chicken water with the kitchen kielbasa

Hello friends, it's us, baxter and duk duk! I'm wearing a napkin today because I want to share with you an  easy peasy recipe we just created.  We call it Chunky Chicken Water.  And we call it ez-pz because all u need to ask your mom to thoroughly boil in plain water a boneless skinless chicken breast, the cooking water your mom cooked the chicken in (skimmed of any fat), and some raw carrots.   Then, when you are ready for a delicious and lovely special snackie treat, just pull these ingredients out of the fridge and follow these three easy steps to tummy nirvana...


1) Put some of chicken water in a very cute bowl.  No reheating is necessary but if u do, make sure it is not too hot, know what I mean?

2) Sprinkle in some raw carrots for color, texture, and tastiness.

3) Add as much shredded chicken meat as your mom will allow and there you have it, delicious chunky chicken water!

There are probably a million more things u could add to this, like cooked rice or you know, blueberries or stuff.  Just always be sure to check and make sure what u are using is going to be good for you,  and most of all, remember to hold on to that tasty cooked chicken water.  I know, so easy, right?  Oh, so how does Chunky Chicken Water taste? Well, see for yourself in this video we made too!





Hee hee okay, this is me, Baxter your roving rover reporter and friend, and duk duk, wishing you the happiest of Fridays and the weekend! :)

winter is coming

hee hee hee, hooray - phase two of our heat cave project is now finished, duk duk! i am sure glad mom figured out how to make everything from our drawings.  especially this supercool awning, right?  no medieval tent is really complete without one. the starks had them. and i sure bet the lannisters did too. 

only i bet theirs did not retract!

last one in's a rotten poopie snake! well, a more rotten one anyway.

(shuffle shuffle) (shuffle shuffle) hey hey, pheeeeeeeew! duk duk, didjoo just..oh nevermind i just did one too so we are even.

okay,  maybe at in phase three we ask mom for a pull cord so we can pull george over whenever we wanty want. :)

civic pooty

because, you know, it's your civic pooty. :) 

happy hallo-scary-ween :)

hee hee, thanks, chocobot, for taking care of yours and lulu the tiger's and lil pink puppy's halloween costumes. me and duk duk were so busy making ours, we did not have any time at all to work on stuff for the three of you. the toyfriend club scar on your cheek is a nice touch, by the way. 























and, it was pure genius to put lulu the tiger and lil pink puppy in one costume.  now we have room for even more candy in our wagon!

okay, duk duk since u are already dressed, u wait here with chocobot and lulu the tiger and lil pink puppy while i get into my #topsecretSCARY costume, okay?

(zip snap shuffle shuffle zip snap swoosh zip)

you know, duk duk, i really like how everything turned out, but i sure wish mom would have let us make the teeth sharper and more scary spaced. i mean, how scary could that be, right? we have been scaring our friends all week with the pictures we posted on instagram and facebook and twitter.

(snap snap shimmy snap zip snap)

but, at least if nobuddy recognizes who we really are, then they can at least they think they know who we are, even though they would be really wrong.  

(bump clatter clatter)

whoops. uh oh, was that my mask?













..boy it better be okay. without my mask, i'm just a long dog in a nicely fitted, super plushie hoodied onesie with white fur on my...

 

...chest.

 whoa - did u guys just hear that?? i think i heard cassie.

no, false alarm. it was just the wind blowing a bunch of leaves.

okay, let me just get my mask on, and we finally can start trick or treating!! 

oh not again. yes mom?

 

pictures? again?? but mom, me and duk duk already posed for our halloween card, and our super cool wall poster, and even for next year's calendar. and we promised that we would try to put them in the shop for you by this Monday and send out a doot doot dooty doot and everything.  well for the poster and the calendars anyway because we sold out of the cards for now. so our friends can see us in our full glory there,  and besides they will see us live any minute now when we knock on their door for tricks and treats. 

so, like, do we have to?





















okay, make a hole everybuddy. we need to make this quick so everybuddy keep their eyes open, mouths closed, and save the funny faces for after we bring back our candy haul.

phew, the inside of this mask smells like desperation and rancid gummy worms! duk duk - did you do this?? 

hee hee, why thank you my friend. it most certainly will help me get into character.  which i am guessing hardly anybuddy will guess even with u standing next to me and u are like the main character. oh, okay mom's ready, so on the count of three everybuddy..one..two..three...

trick or treeeeat! :)

(hee hee, ps if  did not get one because we sold out, here is a peek at our halloween card.  and do not worry if u missed out, it will be back in the shop again :) )

today is stomping day, another nother short story by baxter and duk duk, in lieu of the ninety page essay on the pros and cons of a spiced based universe economy, that we were supposed to write for writing class

The monster feet had been in stinky situations before.  Children may smell like children, but their feet stink too, and especially in slipper shoes like him because they never seemed to want to wear socks and their feet get all sweaty and the only thing left to absorb all the sweat is, well, him.  He used to think their feet smelled awful, only now as he sat on the thrift store shelf, surrounded by scuffed patent mary janes and tired old sneakers that no longer lit up when you stomped with them, he missed smelling like what he now felt monster feet should always smell like.

Forever seemed to pass at the thrift store as he watched moms and dads take pair after pair of more practical shoes home for their stinky feet children, while he remained, alone and wondering if he would ever get to stomp again.  Tired being passed over time and time again, the monster feet decided to go into a deep deep sleep.

A curious and very sniffy wet nose startled him awake.  What the heck??? This is not the thrift store, he realized as the rest of his senses came into consciousness.  Why is there a tiny red cabin in front of me and what's that smell? It smells worse than children feet - more like, meat mixed with duk mixed with poop mixed with - hey, that tickles!

The brushing sensation of curious but very appreciative whiskers gave way to two stubby and chubby but extremely awesomely ferocious paws, each slipping in to him with a stink, awe, and reverence he had never felt before. Hmm, the monster feet thought. I am not in a house with stinky children feet and yet I no longer miss them.












One of his feet was lifted high into the air as the faint sound of snickers danced about his ears.  Wheeeee!! Today is a new day, he proclaimed as he started to fall and the wind started whooshing around him.  Today is stomping day! :)