the unbearable shortness of being :)

okay, mom, have a nice bath. i guess while u e in there, i’ll try my best to avoid miss smelly panty mc pant-

aw great. here she comes..

hey… hey…what r u doing, cassie? i cannot even see.

mom is taking a bath, cassie. stop panting all over her. 

i said, stop panting up the place already! it’s bad enough the place smells like purple flower stink with all the foam bubbles, but cooties and purple flower stink? phooowee! 

didjoo hear me? gassie, u r totally wasting your time. she will never gives snackies from there 

like, seriously, do not even bother.  mom will never give u ..

hey! why r u getting closer??? i toldjoo- 

mooom? mom. u are not giving her a snackie, r u??

 

schadenfoofie :)

aw great. 

mom, is it too late for me to sign up for summer school? 

curiouser and curiouser

hmmmmmm….

hmmmmmmmmmm….

mom, why didjoo put this water bowl here taller than me? u know i accidentally left  my platform sandals at chocobot’s air pee n b. 

valar morpoopus

hee hee hee, i know, duk duk, pure genius! and to think we did not need mom’s help at all. now we can finally serve our guests gummy worms in la pee dah style! i cannot wait until - hey, duk duk, where did u- 

o, smello, mom. um, is there anything i can help u with? like, maybe polishing the silver or, um, something? :) 

contract renegotiations :)

well, mom, seeing as how i am a grown wolf now, how about i get a tiny tomato for every nail we sand?  

boba pett :)

hee hee, oooo! dad, did u get any boba drink for u and mom, too? :) 

the one where i do not say anything at all because i am sleeping :)

smell and tell :)

even though it meant he had to wake up earlier, the little dachshund enjoyed his summer morning walkies very much. of course there are many obvious reasons to go walkie in the morning, the little dachshund thought to himself, like, mostly because it is cooler out, and stuff like that. but probably the most important reason to go walkie in the morning is, i can smell and tell what everybuddy had for dinner last night. :) 

a very important question :)

mom, dontchoo think maybe me and duk duk could just, not go to school next year? i mean, how much more can we learn, really? :)

sentinel

the little dachshund patiently waited by the window like he always did every morning, hoping his ferociousness would scare away all  the things that needed scaring away. bunnies, for one thing, he thought to himself. and the birds that would eat at my tomatoes. and of course, he realized, maybe the scariest of things that needed to be scared away, cassie. :)

natural born leader :)

hee hee, mom, how bout today i take u n dad for a walkie? u know, instead of the other way around. wolves are natural born leaders, u know.  :)

(f)artless

hee hee hee. okay, mom, can i open my eyes now?

hmm, where is it, mom?? i know u have been working on a surprisey prize (f)arty art piece for like, forever now, and i am very anxious 2 see it, seeing as how you did not ask for me and duk duk’s expert input on it. i wonder if..

maybe it is over here by my bed? hm. nopies. 

hang on, maybe it is way over by my other bed in the other room. excuse me, i will brb…. 

well, nopies. not there either. dang. 

mom, i do not get it. i do not see anything ferocious and (f)arty anywhere. r u sure it is even here where i can see it? :)

wrong item in error :)

eeew. what?? mom, there is no way me or duk duk would ever order that. calico critters are like, for babies. not ferocious wolves and falcons.

u told us to order soffit vents for our diy vermiposter and poop’s honor, that is we ordered. i cannot help it if amazon made a mistake and sent u this cootietaminated cute cute garbage.

hee hee, but if u want, u can give it to me and me and duk duk will see what we can do about ferociousing them up. :)

little wolf, big world

the little dachshund sneaky sneaked from one blue pot to another on his deck, quietly investigating each as best he could, sometimes standing on his tippiest of toes. hee hee, he thought to himself, if i found strawberries in one of my pots,  then certainly there could be strawberries in others! 

options :)

well, seeing as how me and duk duk  are over half way thru our summer vacation and have not done anything super duper exciting yet, we thought maybe we can use your credit card to buy inter dimensional travel tickets so we can visit chocobot and lulu the tiger and lil pink puppy. or, well, what with the virus variants, maybe we could just buy an autogyro and fly there ourselves. or maybe we could just buy eleventy hundred pounds of gummy worms and zoomie call with them. but it all starts with your credit card so maybe i can help u find it? :)

sorry not sorry :)

spying the first delicious bounty of summer, 

the little dachshund reminded himself, i must not chomp, i must not chomp, i must not chomp! chomping is for little puppies who are impatient do not know any better. and i am a full grown wolf. chomping brings calamity, and chaos, the little dachshund knew.  chomping, means tiny tomatoes bouncing everywhere…..  hee hee, wait. chomping means tiny tomatoes bouncing ev-

-rywhere! 

prbo:)

hee hee, um, well, mom, i was stinking i mean thinking that you and dad could sleep in the other bedroom, and me and duk duk would set up our mid summer’s foofie night party in your bedroom, and voila, it’s a vacation for everyone :) 

u know who

(pant pant pant pant)

(pant pant pant slobber slobber dopey pant pant pant) 

see, mom? it is not just the cooties, it is the entire package. that is why she has 2 stay over there and i stay over here. okay? okay.  no more sniffs, pants, or butts. 

potluck :)

hee hee hee, um, mom, u might want to stay outside a little longer. me and duk duk opened all the windows up here but i stink i mean think it will take a while before yesterday’s cheesy bean chili stops turning into today’s pooty mc flooty tooties :) 

magnum poop eye :)

mom, i am telling u, i totally smell it. someone pooped right here. in  the  street. i mean, there is perfectly good grass right over there, so why would anyone do that?? not only does pooping on a hard surface increase the potential for shape distortion, but i believe it also indicates our mystery pooper exhibits poopiopathic tendencies. this pooper is reckless, or cold and calculating. or maybe both…