an aye for an eye

mom, i feel like all my life has been leading up to that moment. like, well,  me, earning all my badges in pupscouts, and all the patrol walkies we've been on. and. um, toyfriend club, of course, which i can't really say much about.  but, i mean, seriously, my point is...

 ..every wolfie knows when the Peeing Bush gives u a bunny, no matter how small he is, u chomp it. which i did fair and square. but then when i pulled it out of the bush, u screamed so i dropped it. and then the baby bunny hopped away.  so, yeppies, i do think i deserve at least as many snackies as would have filled my tummy if i ate him. and i would like payment in full now, please. :) 

and seriously, we have only just met

...uh huh. uh huh. oh, i see. so u mean like a jelly donut that's oozing jelly, right? only instead of oozing all over the table, the jelly is kind of oozing on my spinal cord and that can press on my nerves and that is what is causing my pain probably. and there is no peanut butter involved at all, right?..no peanut butter...but a lot of pain...okay. yes, i see, special mister doctor tushie man.  thank u for drawing it for me that was very helpful...






 

 



and...u r sure my diagnosis has nothing 2 do with my not wanting to take a snackie from u, right?  because honestly it smelled delicious but when i was little, my mom taught me not to take snackies from strangers and seriously, we have only just met...

...and, that whole thing where i was too distracted to listen to mom when u wanted to see how far i would move my head so u asked for my leash and i turned on my super duper deluxe  nobuddys-taking-me- anywhere electromagnets? u did not take that personally, right? like, that has nothing to do with what u r saying either, right special mister doctor tushie man? 

..mm-hmm. okay i see...










 

 

 

 

and...so, we will schedule my preanesthesia x-ray and blood work in a few weeks to make sure i can have the MRI so we can see what's what and really decide from there what to do. and in the meanwhile,  i can probably still go to school when it starts, and i can go for simple walkies around the block and stuff like that.  just no running, or jumping, or toyfriend club, or any general displays of ferocious wolfiness of any sort...

 

 well...yeah.... i guess that all sounds doable...

 

 except..maybe, well...

 if i catch duk duk stealing my gummy worms again, am i at least allowed to pound him a little bit?

 

thank u miss Debbi :)

hee hee, i know, we do have the best friends don't we? I mean, clip on poopie? only your bestest friends would know to send u that, right? okay, before can take it 2 school and write our thank u card, mom said we should really read the wolfy note that miss Debbi sent too, so here goes.. 

"dear..dear.." wait, everything is all fuzzy. duk duk can u please pull my glasses out from your favorite rock pouch? yeah I know, otters really are cool. did u find it? 

no, that's our favorite rock. the one we will use for cracking oysters on our tummies if we are ever lucky enough to find some. u can put that back...no, that's pocket brontosaurus! I wondered where he went. put him back for now and later we pull him out for show and tell today...no, that's the bubblegum we found under the table at the park.  put that ba- ooo, wait, gimme that for later - it is so hard, I should probably start rechewing it now so it will be nice and soft for doing u know whats after school today...no, that's the sandpaper we will need for the poop shaped derby cars... no, that's just a - o wait, those are my glasses. I thought we put my crystal horn rims in your pocket but I guess not. wow, how did they get so scratchy? o well. I think I can still see out of them okay.

see, I told u that hole u got from toyfriend club would come in handy. you and otters are so luckee. okay, now where were we? "dear Baxter...

wolf unleashed :)

dear diary,
i am so lucky to have so many friends that wished me a wonderful ninth birthday this past weekend! in fact, as soon as my wolfiness wears off from being so excited about my super delicious meal and birthday cake and the awesome presents I got like the one below from mister Jim,  I will try and tell u more about my birthday. well, assuming my wolfiness wears off at all because I have noticed that my wolf transformation continues and white wolf hairs continue to take over my body, the longer it takes for me to revert back to my mild mannered self. duk duk thinks our special wolf and falcon powers started a result of the traumas we faced when a) jasper mistook my tushie for a sheep and bit it and b) well as for duk duk, let's just call it toyfriend club. I am not really sure of either is true but nevertheless I am simultaneously excited and curious about where this path will take us. certainly if anything, I think mom should be stocking up on more meat, because both a wolf and falcon require lots and lots of meat.

anyhoo, I hope u have a wonderful week, diary.

toodleydoo!

b :)

happy hallo-scary-ween :)

hee hee, thanks, chocobot, for taking care of yours and lulu the tiger's and lil pink puppy's halloween costumes. me and duk duk were so busy making ours, we did not have any time at all to work on stuff for the three of you. the toyfriend club scar on your cheek is a nice touch, by the way. 























and, it was pure genius to put lulu the tiger and lil pink puppy in one costume.  now we have room for even more candy in our wagon!

okay, duk duk since u are already dressed, u wait here with chocobot and lulu the tiger and lil pink puppy while i get into my #topsecretSCARY costume, okay?

(zip snap shuffle shuffle zip snap swoosh zip)

you know, duk duk, i really like how everything turned out, but i sure wish mom would have let us make the teeth sharper and more scary spaced. i mean, how scary could that be, right? we have been scaring our friends all week with the pictures we posted on instagram and facebook and twitter.

(snap snap shimmy snap zip snap)

but, at least if nobuddy recognizes who we really are, then they can at least they think they know who we are, even though they would be really wrong.  

(bump clatter clatter)

whoops. uh oh, was that my mask?













..boy it better be okay. without my mask, i'm just a long dog in a nicely fitted, super plushie hoodied onesie with white fur on my...

 

...chest.

 whoa - did u guys just hear that?? i think i heard cassie.

no, false alarm. it was just the wind blowing a bunch of leaves.

okay, let me just get my mask on, and we finally can start trick or treating!! 

oh not again. yes mom?

 

pictures? again?? but mom, me and duk duk already posed for our halloween card, and our super cool wall poster, and even for next year's calendar. and we promised that we would try to put them in the shop for you by this Monday and send out a doot doot dooty doot and everything.  well for the poster and the calendars anyway because we sold out of the cards for now. so our friends can see us in our full glory there,  and besides they will see us live any minute now when we knock on their door for tricks and treats. 

so, like, do we have to?





















okay, make a hole everybuddy. we need to make this quick so everybuddy keep their eyes open, mouths closed, and save the funny faces for after we bring back our candy haul.

phew, the inside of this mask smells like desperation and rancid gummy worms! duk duk - did you do this?? 

hee hee, why thank you my friend. it most certainly will help me get into character.  which i am guessing hardly anybuddy will guess even with u standing next to me and u are like the main character. oh, okay mom's ready, so on the count of three everybuddy..one..two..three...

trick or treeeeat! :)

(hee hee, ps if  did not get one because we sold out, here is a peek at our halloween card.  and do not worry if u missed out, it will be back in the shop again :) )

tiny video friday: always end on a soft note :)

dear diary,

a couple days ago i saw a video shared by hank's mom of a puppy learning to ding a ding bell and i thought, gee, puppies are such suckers. but then my mom saw it and next thing i know, i am taking piano lessons during my lunchy lunch training time.

my first lesson was actually pretty fun. not only are the snackies plentiful, but i am learning a thing or two. like, well, if u extend your toes it dampens the sound, and well, it is very soothing to end a song in a soft note. so i think i will try to always end on a soft note, at least for now because i guess i will be doing this for a while and if i think too much about how i might be missing out on lunchy lunch toyfriend club, i'll just get - well, u know. and besides maybe one day me and hank can play a duet together because i hear he is a fast learner.  anyhoo, one day, i hope i can play my whole song i wrote for u yesterday in one take, but for now i spliced together my song into a twenty second video and if u have twenty seconds to spare,  i hope u like it very much. especially the part where i end on a soft note.

toodleydoo!

b. :)

dapper doxie duds: project h r d puffnstuff

hee hee duk duk,  u r way too close. although save the picture so we can post a chestie later to our instygram.

  


 
okay okay. i know u only have one wing, but try and hold the iphoney like this and then u will see that it will autofocus just fine. 

oops, hee hee sorry duk duk, i did not mean to bump u in the  - ow, quit it! hey look we promised we would finish today's blog posty about the second super cool dud mom made for me and u know how important it is for us to talk about it on account of it being our secret silent toyfriend club dud and a crucial if not somewhat misleading recruitment tool to gain more members in time for project hr depuffnstuff to succeed.   i mean, just look at the thoughtfully placed contrast double stitch lines, the double welted d ring hole,  and this super cute and slightly edgy image of the super cool stuffed bunny drawing from dad's old tee. they are sure to  turn heads and when people ask we can - ow! duk duk if u do that again i am going 2 pound --













oh hi mom. say what - the bus is coming? um, well, do u think we can work on our blog posty more after school? me and duk duk seem to be having some slight artistic differences. :) :)

 

S.W.A.S.

"..and thank u miss cassie and tucker n tilly n percy for the wonderful slinky me christmas ornament.  it is so cool that i havesecretly taken it off the tree two times already to play with but please do not tell mom because we agreed i would not do that any more. :)  your friend, baxter"

hee hee, okay duk duk get me the next one...

ooooOOOooo! we just got these the other day too. okay lemme think...okay, u hold the iphoney, duk duk, and i will tell schmiri what to write...ready? okay..

"dear miss saundra and cocoa n emmy,
thank you so much for the wonderful embroidered doxie kitchen towels that u made especially for me. i really like the bugs and foofie clouds.  and i also very very very much appreciate that u made kitchen towels and not bath towels if u know what i mean.  because baths stink and not in the way u would hope they would.  i am sure cocoa and emmy can relate.  anyhoo thank you again for thinking of me and me and my dad will think of u every time we do the dishes with theses super cute towels! i hope u have a very happy new year! your friend, baxter."

"ps - thank u for the delicious snackie! :)  "



yippee, okay i think we have one more to go right? let's see..












ooooo! it's from my friend kirby!! oops, wait wait..thanks for reminding me duk duk. that would have been awful...

(shakey shake shakey shake) cooties be gone, cooties be gone (shake shake shakey shake) cooties be gone, cooties be gone (shake shake shakey shakey shake)

okay now where were we? ah yes...a thank u card for the present from kirby and miss linda sent us! hmmm, okay i think i know what i want to say...

"dear kirby,
well wouldn'tchoo festivus miracles do happen because guess what - your package finally arrived! i am really excited because i have never had a blue bobo before much less a tiny one that i can put in my lunchybox and take to school with me. u know, for some recess fun if u know what i mean.  anyhoo, i hope you are doing well and please say hello to your mom for me and to any girls standing over there with u. thank you again for such a thoughtful present and i will be sure to post the results from toyfriend club when we can all find out his name. happy new year! your friend, baxter."

okay mom,  we're done! can u please ask dad to get with schmiri to print out our thank u cards and then send them on their way? oh and ask dad to use that handwritten font too! and, ooo mom this is very important...mke sure dad seals all the cards with a stink :) :)

a new leaf

Hello, it's me, Baxter, your roving rover reporter, bringing you breaking news from a top secret location where duk duk and I, as co-presidents of toyfriend club, founding fathers and co-curators of a magnificent poopie snake collection, and editors and contributors-at-large to our mom's kalyxcornucopia blog, facebook, pinterest, and twitter pages, have a very important announcement to make. Shh, I think out announcement is about to begin...a-a-ahem....

"our fellow friends, we know your time is important this monday morning so we will make our announcement brief.  it is with mixed emotion that duk duk and i must announce our decision to no longer be fascinated with, collect, sing songs about, or otherwise use the term poopie snake.  i hope you all will support our decision as we strive to make the world a couthier place and we will not be taking any questions at this time.  thank you...oh, and ps - if anybuddy knows how to contact the smithsonian so we can donate our magnificent poopie snake collection, please let me know.  thank you and have a good day."

co-presidential inauguration day

...and that concludes the second inauguration of me and duk duk as co-presidents of toyfriend club!

now for the fun we've all been waiting for - the unveiling of our official co-president portrait, soon to be hung in the toyfriend club foyer hall of fame but temporarily hung here now so we could, u know, all see it.

ready?  everybuddy foofie roll please!



(pfweet! foo! blap blap blap blap! ssssssss! squeeek! bup bup bup! pfwooo!)

whoops, looks like chocobot forget his gas mask but he can see it later so okay, everybuddy r u ready? cuz here drops the curtain! 

oooOOOOooOOOOOooooOOooooooo!

(hee hee, u did a wonderful job with our commissioned portrait,  miss amy of amy's portaits on etsy . thank u very much ! :) :)

freshman orientation

...and that is really all there is to it! so on behalf  of me and duk duk and chocobot and lil pink puppy, i'd like to welcome you all to toyfriend club and letchoo know that our first meeting will be commencing shortly so u can decide amongst yourselves who would like to play first.  oh, and i would also like 2 remind u that  the first rule of toyfriend club is that we must never speak of toyfriend club.  and the second rule of toyfriend club is - 

heeey - um, sorry mom, no pictures please.  this is a closed meeting. bcuz, well u know, our club is a secret.... :) :)

thank u to santa and my family & friends :)

dear diary,
i  really think the best way to let somebuddy know how much you appreciate their gift is to show them how much u enjoy it. by like, u know, tearing into it like this because you are so excited thatchoo can hardly stand it and forget your manners and get all grabby when your mom and dad are trying to show u whatchoo got and they try to getchoo to pose for proper pictures but who on earth has time for that when u know, you can tell u got such wonderful gifts that u and your tummy want to enjoy them immediately?

but mom says before i finish enjoying all my gifts, i should properly thank santa and all my friends and family who were so kind as to think of me for christmas.  so i am writing today not only to show all my cool and wonderful bounty (minus a few new toyfriends that were busy learning the rules of toyfriend club), but i am also writing to say thank you very very much miss bludog for the lovely snackies and curious george and th puppies book and miss linda and kirby for the very very tasty snackie, all of which u can see i was more than excited to consume in their entireties (yes book too!) if mom and dad would have let me.  and i also wanted to say a very hearty thank u to all my friends and family who sent christmas cards to me even though i have not sent one back on account of how busy mom has been with my grampa, who by the way is doing pretty good considering all that he's been through and i am very very thankful for that too.

anyhoo diary, today me an duk duk and chocobot and lil pink puppy are all going to take the pedal car to the store in hopes of scoring some half off christmas candy.  i hope u had a very wonderful christmas and boxing day and hope u have a wonderful day today too!

toodley-doo,
b. :) 

rejection notice

 

i am sorry that me n duk duk have to reject you from toyfriend club, mister shortnlong but u see..what's that? oh, u mean i am supposed to play with you? and u do not mind joining our toyfriend club?  well then...just hang on a sec..lemme get over to my spot and...

yippee!! :)

to club or not to club

The quandaries we encounter in our lives and how we resolve them are often tests of our character it seems, and though little dogs encounter seemingly little quandaries, they are nevertheless, equally important.

mom, what do u do when u see someone super squeaky sitting right in front of u that u just can tell is practically begging join toyfriend club,  but then u also see that he is shaped just like u and looks like u and that, well, u know, epsecially if he is one of u, u do not do that sort of thing?


 

poopienormal activity: the rise of frankenflop

Having saved and saved and saved their keeps from toyfriend club, two little boys were very disappointed with the weather this past weekend before, hoping as they did to harness some thunder and lightning for what surely was going to be a most spooky and spectacular toyfriend reanimation Halloween extravaganza.

ooo! duk duk didjoo see that? i think i saw something move!...no...i guess that was just the wind blowing... wait, didjoo - no, my bad, my goggles slipped.... no, no, wait this time i think i really see...nope, (sigh) that was just my reflection...okay, next year maybe we should plan ahead and ask mom if we can borrow her car battery or at least we should remember to ask santa for one of those lightning ball thingies thatchoo always see in all the best laboratories because i am pretty sure we are gonna need a plan b for the theme of our night of the reanimated toyfriends halloween party this year....

toyfriend club

hee hee, o i like monkey chow too - in fact we all do!  i am so happy miss bludog sent u to us, mister rainbow manhands, and very glad to hear u want to join our toyfriend club. sorry for the delay, my associate duk duk will be here any minute so we can start our interview. but in the meantime i would be happy to give you a peek at our priceless poopie snake coll-  oh wait, excuse me, i think my mom is calling -

i'll be right there mom - me and duk duk just have to do something real quick and then i can help set the table for dinner!

that was my mom.  i think u will like her very much but just remember,  toyfriend club is secret so you must never say anything. although, i think she's starting to suspect something with all the fluff she's been finding on the floor lately so we really must be better about cleaning up after our, um, meetings.  and just be careful about what u roll in because if it smells too good she will give u a bath and make u all stinky and then you will have to sleep in the toy box til u air out cuz none of us really like that purple flower stink.  oh, and speaking of things not to do, never ever, under no circumstances should you ever -

oh good duk duk 's here!  mister rainbow manhands, duk duk.  duk duk, mister rainbow manhands. okay, now let's see, you have a squeaky, right? check!   and you're stuffed with fluff?  check! okay you pass but now we need to really get down to brass poops.  now the first rule of toyfriend club is...

um, i am very sorry but this part is secret so i am going to have to ask for some privacy so that we may admitting mister rainbow manhands to our club.  but do not worry, we will be finished soon and if you would like, on your way out, please check out the supercool new doxie tray that miss bludog got us all the way from venice!!  here - i will show you.

ta daaaa! i told u it was super cool didn't i? i hope u have a super day!  :)

(hee hee - thank you miss bludog for everything in the package you sent - from mister manhands to the tray to the snackies and my luscious long hair fur collar - it is all so wootyful!! :) :)