front seat driver + doot news u can use

mom, can u please tell dad i would be happy 2  takeover the speed pedal so we can go faster?

 (ps do not forget cyber brown wednesday is this wednesday 12/4 at noon and nine pm

est! included in the doot will be 

1) our supercool new bimonthly calendar for 2020 which u can display either on your desk or wall with different types of hardware u can choose from, or u use your own. the calendar is available in two finishes and printed on extra heavy card stock. calendars ordered on cyber brown wednesday will also get a complimentary,  complementary Smello Friend butt print, printed in matte black on extra heavy cardstock. 

2) our new christmas in  handmade tiny book form , Rudolph the Brown Butt Reindeer.

3) our new smello friend weenie butt art print, available printed on extra heavy white cardstock in matte black or rustic finish metallic gold and brown  ( calendar orders on cyber brown wednesday will get a complimentary matte black one!)

4) four very special brown teeny weenie sleigh mecharamas thematically tied in with our Rudolph the Brown Butt Reindeer book. (more sleighs in red and green will doot hopefully mid december. ) sorry we do not yet have pictures of them finished bc we were busy entertaining family for thanksgiving, but needless 2 say they will be pooptastic. 

5) a limited amount of supercool handmade chiyogami dachshund ornaments :)

to focus on making the mecharamas we have not made any teeny weenie trees yet but we might be able to doot some when finish the red and green sleigh ones so please do stay tuned. :) 

then one smelly christmas eve:)

hee hee, see? i can too hold it between my toes, duk duk. seriously that was like way too ez. now pay up. wait, hang on let me hold my breath first. (hwoooooop! hwoooo-)

(phooooooooo) why smello, mom.  what’s that? breathing funny? hmm, i am not sure why u would be stinking i mean thinking that. 

this? o yeah, this. well, u remember the christmas story we are working on for cyber brown wednesday right?  u know, the one that makes sense of everything but only if the reader knows what we know they know we have known, like, forever now? well, seeing as how u are busy with the sleigh mecharamas, me and duk duk decided we could print turn it into an adorable tiny book ourselves, with a nice poopie brown paper cover and everything. 

um, and we might have used your shiny machine to shiny it.

but um, well,  we were not really sure how 2 use the shiny machine so some of the shiny is  kind of speckledy patchy but then we thought, omg that is just like how an old leather book looks, which is great on account of how u said i am not allowed to use real leather by myself yet until i can stomp chomp chomp chomping it. which is probably like never on account of how delicious that old book was that i ate over summer.  hee hee, mmm old leather books. 

hee hee, anyhoo, do u mind if me and duk duk help ourselves to some monkey chow before we make the rest of our tiny books bc i really think it will enhance our productivity. :)

reasonable request

oooOooooOOOOoooo! the teeny weenie brown super pooper sleighs are turning our even better than  me and duk duk described 2 u, mom. now make a zillion of them so we can have mecharamas  for everybuddy come cyber brown wednesday. :)   

i smell

hee hee, omg duk duk, i smell more boba and chicken chips! hurry up and get your feather butt up here - i bet if u climb on me and i stand tippy toe we can - 

uh-oh. i think i just heard mom. just stand very still and maybe she will not see us :) 

editorial deadline :)

what do u mean i am crunching too loud? i cannot help it if i like 2 eat when i have 2 think.  and u know and i know we both know that we need to be thinking really hard because mom says we have have to hurry up and finish editing our christmas story this week if we are going to have any chance at all of factoring them in along with all our calendar and other supercool goodies for cyber brown wednesday on december 4th.  

okay okay. fine, let me just chomp gulp this chicken chippy and we both can get back to focusing on editing our story. hee hee, which is pretty peelarious and smelly genius if i do say so myself! 

hmmmmm....hmmmmmmm

... hmmmmmmm .... hmmmmmmm.....okay fine i will ask her. 

mom, well, because we are on a deadline and everything, and, well because we need to think, do u have any quiet snackies that me and duk duk can share? 

a sip full of boba :)

hee hee, omg, duk duk, this is so pee-licious! and the boba balls are like a bonus prize in every sip! no wonder mom and dad get these things!

uh-oh. this thing was full when mom asked us to watch it for her.  

hmmmmm. i like how u r stinking but nopies, i think mom would notice if we threw it back up into her cup.  o i know! duk duk - u go get some acorns from outside and i will get some water and we can mix it all in and no one will ever notice the diff  -  eeks! no time i hear mom coming! 

why smello, mom. we watched your drink just like u asked us to, but...u were gone for so long, i am sorry 2 say that most of it evaporated. if u would like 2 give us your credit card, me and duk duk would n happy 2 pedal 2 the store and get u another one   :) 

schmoopie doopie double dopey

okay, okay, mom, sheesh! i get that this is only my second bath of the year and that at least we did it on a nice warm day, but now i stink like purple flowers and for me to be all grooomed and brushy smooth and stuff? that’s like the big red smelly insult cherry on top of a melted cootie poop sundae. 

i mean, ima wolf not a schmoopie doopie double dopey labrapoodledoodle. a ferocious wolf. with fangs and claws and wiry fur that’s all messy and bristly, not fancy schmancy or parted funny or anything like that...mom? r u even listening to me? 

the curb

the little dachshund walked the curb carefully, knowing full well that at any moment, he could find a bunny in the bushes. and then he would chomp it. :)

basically, technically, ipso facto

...two, three, four, five. five snackies! .... wait, five snackies??

mom, although heavily discounted, technically, the wolf surveillance package u r paying for is based on a twenty four hour daily rate. yesterday, with the fall back to eastern standard time, an extra hour of wolf overtime surveillance was incurred. 

so, as per paragraph eleventy, section pee o nine point number one of our standard wolfing contract states , triple zillion time and a half will be applied to a wolf’s entire day of  work on days where overtime is incurred, with payment in full due promptly at the end of each daily protection cycle.  so, basically, technically, ipso facto, u can have the dump truck deliver the rest of my snackie payment any time now, or we can work out a payment plan :)

tales from the smelly side

“and finally, on hallow’s eve night, the little pumpkin man’s ferocious face magically appeared, his eyes glistening with gore and his mouth ready to fill his empty tummy.

 ‘feed me candy! feed me candy!’ he raspily croaked with his new found voice.

‘i said, feed me candy! feed me candy!!!”

‘hello? anyone? hangry pumpkin head here. feed me candy!!

seriously, i’ve been standing here for days without a face. now i finally get a mouth and where is everybuddy?” 

hee hee, um, mom, can we please skip this and tell another halloween story? u know, one with like, real blood and guts and stuff? here, i will start it for u...

the vampire tushie man took blood from the ferocious wolf not one but two times, practically guaranteeing that halloween’s eve would be the last night the ferocious wolf would ever be himself again.

well, the wolf thought, on the plus side, he always wondered how he could be any more ferocious than he already was, and now he knew. he would not need a halloween costume this year, or any year from now on. soon, very soon, he would become a full fledged vampire wolf, an immortal defender of darkness and denizen of all that is dank and dreary. 

but o snap, he realized after the vampire tushie man left. forever is a very long time. he walked  over to his mother. 

mom, after i chomp duk duk and dad, would u mind showing me your ankle so that i may for no particular reason chomp u twice ? :)

coming cyber brown wednesday

hee hee, hurry mom and dad! we need to get back so i can show mom me and duk duk’s genius idea for next year’s calendar !! :) 

baker’s dozen :)

...hmmmm....hmmmmm..........hmmmmmmmmmm.....

mom, r u sure i can only pick one ? they all look so delicious! :)

(resuscitation by licking) :)

mom, clearly this is not one of those times, but, if u ever fall and cannot get up, or, maybe say if, well u know, u stopped breathing and needed RBL, u should know that would totally be there for u. :) 

a mighty pounding

omg, what the heck? look at all these delicious snackies all neatly laid out for a wolf to chomp on. why there are so many, it would take me forever to eat them, but here they are, just waiting to be chomped. well, i guess there’s no time like the present to start  - hang on - this is just way to convenient. nobuddy 

just finds snackies on the floor like this, all neatly laid out and everything. it is almost like it was meant to be a trap or something . but every buddy here knows a wolf is too ferocious to be trapped...but..i guess he could be delayed...

duk duk, u better not be eating my gummy worms or some falcon is going to get a mighty pounding by the time i get over there! 

backseat rider :)

mom, i am glad it is finally rideys weather again, dontchoo? i mean, it is the best of both worlds really. u get ferocious protection while we run errands, and i get a delicious snackie every time u come back to the car.  :)

riding in cars with adorable dinosaurs

all i am saying, mom, is that i am older now and way more ferociouser...

i mean, i get that this is a perfectly good shirt that i wore when i was little, but maybe, well, at least can u add some flames or fangs or something ? :) 

october sky

the happy little dachshund rocketed toward his mom, purposefully slowing down for the briefest of moments near the end, so that his mother could see that the ferocious thing approaching her was indeed him, and not a guided missile. :) 

folding space

no really,  mom, it is okay. i mean, what can a wolf do in here, really.  i promise,  i will wait right here in our beautiful new reorganized closet until u come back with the new light bulb and my snackie.  okay? okay smell u soon .. 

hee hee omg, our closet looks so much better with the new cubby shelf and - what the heck?  that’s new.  it looks like the board mom got from the habitat restore forever ago for only two bags of gummy worms. only now it looks like a zillion bags. i wonder why it is on the wall like that. o wait, mom had me buy those bracket thingies on amazon for her ..i bet it...lemme just see if i can... ooooOoooOoo...

(CLICK!)

now lemme just climb up here and voila, access to a plethora of new gummy worm hiding spots! duk duk will never - 




hee hee, o, um, smello, mom. promised? um, well, technically i am still staying right here. it is just taller here really..




may i please have my snackie now? 

lesson for a baby bunny

the little dachshund peered ferociously through the fence. “do not come any closer, baby bunny, or i will be forced to chomp u,” the little dachshund warned. “and please understand, baby bunny, it is nothing personal. it is just what ferocious wolves do.”

first in flight :)

see, mom? i toldjoo we should have brought duk duk. and some kite string :)